Yep, that's me, trying to keep my balance as thoughts swirl within my head, sometimes so fast I can't keep up. That being the case, I'll just let my fingers keep walking as my mind keeps talking (and hope) it makes sense to you.

    I woke up to sunshine instead of the rain we had yesterday. I love the way our world smells after a rain, smells so clean and fresh- so pure.
    I sipped the one cup of coffee I allow myself per day while sitting on our patio. It felt good to be alone for that short period of time, to not have to be doing something. It seems like years since I've been able to take a quiet hour for myself, the one I always looked forward to each day. Oh, I do take time to come online and update my journals, if I have the strength and am not too tired. And I do take time to check up on my family and friends, to see how they are doing, to find out what their needs are, and to thank them for being there for me. But that is not the same as the quiet hour I got used too, the kind of hour that so blesses me, fills me to the brim with optimism and renewed hope.
   
The kind of hour I am referring to is when I sat outside in the early morning hours, usually before the world woke up, long before the sun had began its journey to the other side of the world. I'd sit and do nothing but look, feel, and listen. I'd look at the sky and the trees and the flowers, whose faces still had a while to wait before being touched by the sun.  I'd look at the apartments around me, and the houses, and pray for the people inside. I'd watch the stars disappear from my vision, one by one, and then start listening as the world began to stir. I'd hear a baby's cry, the sound of a car starting up, an airplane passing over. I'd hear a door open and close, a telephones insistent ring.  I'd hear a cab driver honking his horn, reminding somebody that he was waiting. Then I'd hear stirrings within my own place of residence and sigh, knowing another day had begun.
    I let myself feel whatever it was I felt, whether good or bad, knowing that feelings are just that-feelings, nothing more- nothing less, then stood a moment longer before going back inside.
     Johnny's smile did its magic, reminded me of what truly matters. "Good morning, sweetheart." he said, as he ran shaky fingers through his hair. "Did you sleep better last night? Did I do better this time?"
   "You did. You actually made it till 3:30 before having to wake me."
  " I hate waking you at all. I really do."
   "I know. But that's okay. It just gives me that much more time to visit with you." I said this, knowing that as soon as he took his meds and had coffee he'd be drowsy again, would fall asleep either in his bed, or in the recliner next to it. He is beginning to sleep more, a good sign in one way- a horrible sign in another. Still...it is what it is, and life must go on- will go on.

This graphic on the left is one I treasure. It reminds me of what not to do, which is to try to hide from what is uncomfortable, painful, and intimidating. It reminds me of how many years it took for me to learn that fear only has as much power as I give it. It ran my life for a long time. What a relief it was to finally be able to stare it down.
    As painful and miserable as trials make us feel sometimes they are good for us. Truly! They teach us things like compassion and patience. They reveal to us that we're much stronger than we believe ourselves to be, and that the word can't becomes CAN when we make just a simple change in the word- and  our attitude.


Well, I warned you; told you some of this might not make much sense to you. Mostly I'm kind of venting a bit, needing too. This journey I'm on catches me off guard every once in awhile, reminds me how wise it is to pencil an an hour to myself, an hour where I don't have to do anything, can just relax and be.

 There are things still needing to be done today, but I'd like to share just one more thing; it's what I call pocket change. We all have a little, a few dimes, a penny, maybe two nickles in our purse or pants pockets, giving little thought to its importance until we go to purchase something and realize our paper money isn't quite enough, we need a little pocket change to go with it.
    So it is with those small things in life, things we seldom, if ever think about, simple things that take so little time, like saying please, thank you, excuse me. Oh, we never forget to say these things when away from home; say them all the time to strangers. But what about our families and our friends? It takes a little pocket change sometimes in order to purchase necessities of life- takes good manners and thoughtfulness if we wish to bless and enrich our relationships and add quality to our lives.

Every day is full of the Lord's blessings, "SHINY" moments to lift us up, encourage and strengthen us, help us grow, and to remind us of how much we are loved. Hard times come to us all. How long they linger is determined by how much of a welcome they get- and what kind of attitude we have.

Stay sweet, kind, tenderhearted and gentle. Be good to others but also good to yourselves. Take care, and thanks for the love, friendship and support

Good morning,

 I know many of you, like me, are going through some difficult times which is why I chose to use the above graphic. When trials confront us, tear huge holes in our comfort zones we tend to pull back from things; from family, friends and life. Our trials at times seem so huge, so intimidating that we feel we'll surely drown, that the waves of the storm will pull us under. But as you can see, they don't. We're still here. Oh, perhaps we're still hurting, still feeling like a child left alone in the dark, still nervous about the future, but we are making it through each day, a moment at a time, which actually is the best way to live life.
  
My heart is so full of sadness right now knowing how ill my Johnny is, but there is nothing I can do that I haven't done. I fretted about this for the longest time, prayed about it and talked to the Lord about it many times, the last time being yesterday. I told him how concerned I was about being alone after being with Johnny for so many years, told him I felt very uncertain, though I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is always with me. "I worry about the many decisions I will have to make. His reply? "And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when you turn to the right and and when ye turn to the left." Isaiah 30:21
     I was immediately comforted, just as I am when I take time to realize how blessed I am to have all of you for friends. You continue to pray for us, to keep in touch with me, are there for me just as I have tried to be there for all of you. I made the choice today to live- laugh- love.
    

LIVE

To live means to be active, to participate in life rather than remain a spectator. It means being alert to the many opportunities each day offers for growth. It means to be (alive). Now it might seem odd for me to express it this way, but think about it. How alive are we if our focus point is upon our trials rather than family and friends, or the Lord? How alive can a man be if his heart is upon the ground instead of soaring?
Using myself as an example:
    When I allow my sadness and sorrow to consume me I find myself literally pulling away from loved ones, wanting only to sit down somewhere, wrap my pain about me like a comfy blanket and be left alone. My depression spills onto everybody around me, especially my sweet Johnny. Some of you have told me that I try to make things to simplistic, that life isn't that way. I don't mean too. It's just that I've  always believed that a man can be as happy as he's a mind to be. True there will be bad days, some really hard times, but good days find their place..as does the sun.

LAUGH
Laughter is good for the soul-is contagious. I think that sentence speaks for itself, don't you?  This world has become such a busy, hectic place that too many of us have forgotten how to relax and have fun. We've forgotten how wonderful we thought the world was when we were kids. Yes, things have changed, and not for the better, but there is still good in the world, still opportunity to create some spectacular "Shiny" moments, memories to hold us steady when hard times come.


LOVE : This word needs no description does it? We all know how it feels to be loved; how good it feels to be listened too, to be noticed, to be heard, to know that you have at least one person in your corner no matter what. Let's be more alert to those in our area, in our church, community, neighborhood, even in our family who could use a little TLC, and having found those in need, let's do something about it?


Keep singing, maybe whistle once in awhile, and while you're at it try something new.

   My apologies for the way this post is thrown together. I'm quite tired, mostly just sharing things I've been thinking about. Thanks for taking time to read what I've written and for being such great friends.

                                                       LOVE YOU MUCH,

 




    

I hope this post finds all of you doing well. Hope too that you are enjoying this 4th of July. It's the first time we've not celebrated it in almost 39 years. We would now but Johnny is too sick, and no matter how many people prompt me to take a break and do something for myself I can't bear to be away from him. His health is failing rapidly now and I'd never forgive myself if I lost him while away from home. That being said what do you say I move on to other things?

    I woke to the sound of birds on our patio and the warmth of the sun. It was nice; far better than honking horns, airplanes taking off, and arguments coming from the next door apartment. Johnny was still asleep  so I had a rare chance to wake up slowly while enjoying the silence around me. I didn't have a long time alone, but enough time to think about how my days are now, as compared to how different they will be in too short a time.

     Changes used to intimidate me but I've grown a lot in the past ten years.  I can now view changes, even the major ones, as simply an interruption, sort of like a phone call bearing bad news. The phone  call interrupts what I'm doing, but while talking on the phone life doesn't pause, allowing the change to be put neatly into a cubicle.

    Changes create holes in our comfort zones. They interrupt our daily routine, can rearrange our lives, challenge our beliefs, remove possessions or people from our lives. It helps to remember that life is change, and change is life.
    

    Whenever life gets complicated and I find myself feeling overwhelmed, when too many changes come too quickly, I am comforted knowing that some things never change. Like what you may ask? Well, like the rising and setting of the sun, like the dependable way seasons pass one into the other, as gently, as quietly as the ending of a day, like the way the laughter of a baby can put a smile upon our face even midst our depression, like the way God so faithfully turns his night lights on so we'll know he's there should we need him.
     And then there is that wonderful, unchanging thing called memory. It serves us so well, is such a comfort, especially when we've lost, or are about to lose a loved one. I can tell you from my own personal experience how empowering memory walks are. They allow us to relive parts of our life that we will never again experience. Remembering, for instance, my Mom, I not only see her in her rocking chair, but can smell the toast she just made and the fresh coffee.
    If I walk backwards, in the corridors of my mind I often stop at the old, green house  we lived in when I met the first  love of my life, the boy with the 1,ooo watt smile. I can feel his hands on mine, can feel his fingers tugging on my hair..can hear his voice saying, "I love you, honey girl."
  Memories are such a blessing. I thank the Lord always for creating such a wonderful thing. I will be taking a lot of memory walks when I lose my Johnny, have 38 1/2 years worth of precious memories to hold onto.
     Whatever changes are going on in your lives, I pray they are good ones. If not, I pray that you are able to remember that life runs on opposites; not every day will be good- not every day bad. Each has its turn.

I've gotten behind on chores so best sign off now. Remember how unique you are, how special- a one of a kind. Be good to others and good to yourselves too. Have an awesome day.