Not to worry dear hearts. I'll feel better after I have a second cup of coffee.
It seems no matter how hard I try to unwind before bedtime, once I'm in bed..
well, I am no longer sleepy. Either that, or I go right to sleep, but wake up every
two or three hours throughout the night. It's the pits!

But aside from that, life is pretty good. Oh, like all of you, there are some
things that trouble me; things that involve loved ones. But I have learned that
worrying solves nothing. Better it is to trust in the Lord, and focus on the 
good stuff in life, of which there is plenty.

Everybody in this area is excited that we finally have triple digit weather behind us.
Now it's early morning cold air, sometimes lots of fog, but the sun still shows its
beautiful face in the afternoon. This weeks temps will be between 79- 90, which

is awesome.


Some things never change; like this holiday thing. Every year,
around this time, the stores fill up with not only Halloween stuff, but Christmas and Thanksgiving as well. Most people don't like it this way. But having been poor for most of my life. I can understand how some people love it. When I was raising my kids alone,
I seldom had money to spend on them, never what I would have liked too. So I loved
that there was Christmas stuff out early. That way I was able to do layaway the things I wanted to buy for  my kids. If I couldn't have done that....well, I don't like to think of how lousy their Christmas would have been.

My life: 
The last three years have been extremely difficult- very painful too. But, as
I always say, our greatest blessing are sometimes hidden midst our darkest, most
painful trials. Losing so many loved ones, having my health issues worsen so rapidly, having to come to terms with financial realities, and  trying to adapt to so many changes taught me a lot about myself. I learned how to ask for help, something I  had always found difficult. I learned that I am much stronger than I believed myself to be. I 
learned what a powerful thing faith is, and what a wonderful, loving, mighty God we worship and love.
    
My children ...are doing fairly well, though of course each one, like all of us, has
issues they struggle with. They have all grown up to be sons and daughters that I am
very proud of. They are far better parents than I ever was. This is something that truly
saddens me, for I'd have loved to be as great a parent to them as they are to their children. But I did my best. If I'd known better I'd have done better.


SOMETIMES....I find myself with closed eyes, imagining myself seated on a train seat,
I never wonder where the train is going, am just happy to be taking the ride.
I am staring out the window, watching the world fly by, feasting my eyes on on the trees, waterfalls, sagebrush, cars, trucks, houses, cattle, horses, barns, people and kids, as if it's the last time I'll ever see them. I do this when loneliness gets to be too heavy; when it feels as a noose around my neck. Taking a memory walk, or ride, reminds me of how blessed I am. Yes, my childhood was horrible, my teen years chaotic,
my early adult years heartbreaking and overwhelming. But midst all of that sadness and pain was so much SUNSHINE...so much good stuff the Lord blessed me with. Much of it is gone now, but each memory reminds me of how rich I was - and still am.

I hope that you are enjoying your day; making the most out of each moment as it
arrives. Moments are such fleeting things; isolated fragments of time, some small, 
some very big, each one giving us an opportunity for something. What that 
something is, only you know. Sometimes I know mine right off. But other 
times many days will pass, and suddenly I know what I ought to have done,
or could have done.

Relationships...

Relationships are so pleasurable- yet can be so mystifying and painful.  I have been 
doing a lot of deep thinking and praying of late, wanting desperately to heal some
broken relationships in my life. Sometimes the going is easy- other times, not so 
much. Good communication helps, being honest, open and tolerant helps too. 
   
With all the junk in my past I've failed in  a lot of areas, but am working 
hard to clean it all up. Some may work out- some may not. 
But it is important that I try. Why? Because there is nothing worse than
 regret, nothing worse than years flying by, and one day you hear 
yourself say "If only."

Good news....
I am going to be a great grandmother again: three more babies coming,
 if I have  the number right.  About the time I have it right I hear another
 baby is  due down the way.
 New life! An awesome thing!

Regarding choices:
It pays to think before speaking or doing. Why? Because our life
is what it is because of choices we made- or failed to make. And down the way,
it is our final choices after all, that  determine what our ending days will be like:
who is in our lives- or out of it; and if we have comfort
 or even a hint of understanding.

On life's journey,
Dear hearts, keep on keeping on, no matter how steep the hill;
the rewards are always greater than the trial just experienced.

HOPE....
Hope is the flame within our hearts that keeps us alive; keeps us creating 
dreams, building towers in the sky. Hope keeps us alive in spite of ourselves.
Without it- life disappears.

If you're  by any chance, feeling misunderstood, lonely, unloved and
perhaps unwanted, remember that our needs are sometimes greater than
other  people can cope with; the hole within us to huge for others to fill.
Just remember that what man cannot do...God can.

Well, guess I have said what I wanted to say, except to say you are always

in my prayers. Always!

Be good to yourself.....better to others.

   Love you much,
                                   BARB

It's been awhile since I have posted. Sorry about that. Mostly it is because I kind of got lost- just a little bit. Once I realized it, I created a plan to help me find my way back. I'm
not used to getting lost; haven't been for a lot of years now. It isn't something one chooses to do, just something that happens for a variety of reasons, some of them being:
the death of a loved one, financial difficulties, the loss of jobs, the loss of a home. There
is the grief over runaway children too- children on drugs, and of course serious health issues. The list is endless.


My getting lost didn't surprise me. Not really. I mean, how could it? When we have too
much on our plates it's hard to remain centered. The more trials there are- the heavier their weight- the more painful, the more likely it is that we'll lose our way. Life is hard!
Very hard!

Our sufferings, sorrows and trials  cannot be avoided. And though we will all experieince
them it's not something anybody looks forward too. Our burdens can feel so painful, so heavy that we feel isolated from God. Our faith falters, sometimes disappears for awhile, as if it never existed. Doubts follow suit, washing over us like the ocean against the shore.

We see our trials as a bad thing, either forgetting, or not realizing, that it is midst our darkest, most difficult moments that God is the  nearest- as close as our breath.
 
I used to believe that God allowed trials in my life in order to teach me something. I never began to grow spiritually until I understood that I had everything backwards.
God didn't use my trials to teach me something (though I usually learn something from them). What he wanted, was for me to recognize that I needed to unlearn something.
 He wanted me to understand that because I was going about something in the wrong
way, nothing in my life was going right. And until I truly understood that, he was unable to set the crooked paths of my life straight.

Now, every time  a new trial confronts me, I know to look for God in it,
rather than be intimidated by the trial. The more I do this- the larger, more
strong my faith becomes. Whatever your burden today, however heavy or painful, I encourage you to look for God in it. If you do, peace will return to its rightful place in your life.

Part of this post is from today's post in my Spiritual blog. I'd not planned on writing in this manner, not in this blog. But considering how things are in the world these days, and considering how hard life has become for us all, I thought sharing it to be a good thing.

I am praying that all of you are doing well, are happy and surrounded by the people who love you, believe in you, treasure you, and appreciate you. I hope you never forget how much you mean to me, and will always mean to me. Some of us don't comment much on blogs any more, but do it via email or Facebook. Things change,I know. But to be honest, I rather enjoy seeing comments, even if only a couple. It reminds me of former times, when J-Land existed, and each morning, and sometimes during the night, we'd visit one another- often till the wee hours of the morning.

Stay sweet. Be good to your hearts.  Keep them full of love, patience,

kindness, tolerance, faith, and always Hope.


Love you much,

I can't believe how long it has been since I have posted. So sorry about that.
 Do I have a reason for not  posting? Not really, just excuses mostly: too hot,
 too busy, too much on my plate, etc. The truth is, I just felt the need to be 
lazy for awhile; to do nothing except the things I've felt like doing, things I
 never did because of lack of money, or lack of time.
   Sometimes, it was simply that doing something for myself always made me
 feel bad, as if I was being selfish. I bet some of you felt like that at least
 once in your lifetime, usually when your kids were growing up. 
 I was a single Mom till I met my Johnny, so to spend money on myself,
well, it just wasn't something I felt I could do. Not really; not when a child's
 shoes just wore out, or when one of my kids needed something for school.

It took me a long time to get past that feeling guilty thing. It was well
worth the struggle.

This week I bought myself books I'd wanted to read, writing tablets, pens,
and checked out house plants. I so miss being able to work in the  yard. 
No matter where I lived I always had flower gardens. But now, with my
 pain level being so high, and the problems I have with my legs, 
and back- hands too, I have to settle for indoor plants, which is okay.
 They really brighten up a place.

Just checked the weather report. That bright light you saw wasn't lightning,
 but my smile, when I saw that temps were not going to be as high this week.
 102- 109 is just a bit too uncomfortable, especially when the humidity level
 is high too. We're actually supposed to have a few days in the high 80's. 
Sounds so good.

Imagination:

This word always makes me smile, always brings to mind memories of
 my children when they were small. As well, it reminds me of myself when 
I was a youngster. So many of the adults during those days, were always 
telling me "Stop acting like a kid. Grow up."
 I found this confusing, and it made me very sad. I was confused because I
 (was) a kid- only ten. How does a kid not act like a kid?  I was sad 
because their words made me feel like they were asking me to stop
being the person I was.
 
Imagination, even today, keeps me going; keeps me hopeful, content, 
eager to meet whatever challenges life may throw at me. My imagination 
has allowed me to travel all over the world,  allowed me to see myself in
 a better place, doing the very things people told me I'd never be able to do.

I love taking memory walks; always stop at the places that made me so
 happy, many of those places being the dinner table. My four children's
 minds were so active then. I loved the way they expressed themselves.

This morning I thought of conversations I'll never forget, like:
When my daughter was five and I had a hard time getting her to eat
 her vegetables. One night, she sat at the table pushing some broccoli
 around on her plate with her fork, while making the most horrible faces.
"I don't know how these trees can be good for me." she said. "when they
 taste so nasty."  Her younger brother laughed and said "Just pretend 
they are Christmas trees."
 Another time she asked if Jesus liked spaghetti.
"He might." I said.
"Good. Cause I'm going to save him some of mine."

Remembering this conversation reminded me of one I had with my dad,
 so many years ago. I never got to spend much time with him so jumped 
at the chance to go in the car with him one day. I don't remember where 
we were going, but never forgot the conversation, the reason being the 
way my mind worked.
  
 We'd just driven under an overpass.
 I asked. "Dad, how many boxes of oleo could you stack from 
the ground to the top of the bridge?"
   "Not sure. Quite a lot I guess."
   "One hundred?"
   "Maybe."
   "More?"
   "Don't know."
   "Less than that?"
   "Not sure."
  "Well guess."
     He changed the subject. His plan didn't work. I asked how far the stars 
were from our house, and what made them so bright. I asked how the 
man who made cars knew how to build one, how old would I grow up to be,
 and who invented paint? Who invented rubber?
I asked why the  water we drink is a different color than than ocean
water. After awhile he began to get frustrated. He didn't get mad, just
 sighed and said. "Doesn't your mind ever shut down?
 
  I'm smiling as I type this part because the answer is still the same.
 No! My mind never shuts down. I'm just as curious today as I was when
 I was a kid. A car passes our house and I wonder where it is going,
wonder about the people in it; if they are happy or sad, if they are related
 or just friends, if they believe in God or not.
 
Imagination is a wonderful thing. Today, my imagination is one of the
things that propels me forward, keeps depression at bay, as well as worries,
fears, etc.
It helps to visualize good, positive, wonderful things, pulls one down if
the mind is filled with negativeness. Life is hard today, harder than it has
ever been- and not just for me...but for you- for us all. That is why I do
my best to encourage my kids to hold tight to the sense of wonder, to
not get so focused on all that is wrong in the world. Focusing on just the dark
side of things, the painful, depressing side, does nothing but keep us from
experiencing those special shiny moments that are placed within our hands
each day.

Don't overlook them, dear hearts. And pray that I don't either. Being
grateful (keeping track of our blessings) enables us to be content, and
will enable us to enjoy life to the fullest.

I've got to get busy now, have chores waiting.
Don't forget how special, how unique you are.
Don't forget to take care of your hearts; keep them full
of sweetness, kindness, mercy, love, tolerance, patience,

and HOPE.




for always being in my corner, for your friendship, love and support.
love you much.

Before Johnny and I moved here we lived in Eugene, Oregon, in one of those beautiful apartment buildings for people over fifty-five. While there I'd take a walk around the grounds every day, mostly with Johnny, but often by myself. There was a lot going on in my life, some really hard, painful stuff, and I was getting discouraged, sad, fearful and was, too often, sitting on the pity pot, thinking about just throwing in the towel and giving up.
    For about three weeks, while walking alone, I'd see this elderly woman, probably about eighty or so.-(-lol It just occurred to me that in two years I'll be 80 ).
Any way, to continue...this dear lady was in a wheelchair and always looked very sad.
 I'd always say hello to her. She seldom answered, but once in awhile would nod her head, acknowledging that she heard me.
    One day, while walking by I saw that she was crying, so didn't hesitate to go over to her. "What's the matter, dear?" I asked, while sitting down beside her.
    "I'm okay." she said, wiping her tears with her fingers. "Really." she added, as she looked up at me. I could see that she wasn't okay, that she was hurting really bad. I didn't want to pry but did want to help, so silently asked God to show me what to do.
    "You don't have to sit with me." she said, suddenly, while twisting her handkerchief in her hands. "There's nothing you can do anyway."
   "I'd like to try."I replied, "but can't help if I don't know the problem." She looked down, began wiping her tears as they began to rain down her cheeks.
"I'm old." she said, the pain in her voice so deep it was all I could do to keep from crying myself. " I"m old and wrinkled and of no use to anybody."
   "Oh, but you are."I told her.
  "No! I'm not! That's why you always see me sitting here by myself. My family lives right here in this town but never come to see me. They just dumped me here and left."
    God gave me the words to say to her. "I'll be your family." I said, and hugged her before she could have a chance to protest. "Would you like that?" Her frail arms returned my hug and she broke down- cried so hard I began to cry with her. "Will you?" she asked in a quivery voice? "Will you really be my family?
   "I will." I said, and was.
 That was the beginning of a new chapter in her life- and mine. I walked with her every day, sometimes Johnny went with us. I'd read her stories, and Johnny and I took her for long rides and to dinner with us.
    One day, knowing she was missing her family more than usual, I wanted to cheer her up, wanted to make her laugh. I went to the store and bought two huge bottles of Bubbles and two bubble pipes. I wish you could have seen the joy on her face when she opened the bag and saw that pipe and jar of bubbles. "I remember these." she said, while opening the bottle. "I used to spend hours blowing bubbles for my kids."
   "Well now we can blow them for each other, can't we?" I said.


I grew to love that sweet lady. It broke my heart when she died a few months later. That experience with her taught me a  big lesson; that all of us can make a difference ...can put some SHINY moments in  another persons life if we are willing to try.
   I have, since doing that with that lady, bought many bottles of bubbles, always have some with me in case I run across someone who is sad, lonely, lost, or in need of a friend. I encourage you to do this for somebody, especially somebody like this precious lady. Bubbles, most people think, are for children. But that isn't true. Bubbles are also for adults  willing to view and experience once again, the world through a child's eyes. The best part about trying this is that afterwards, you  feel so good; feel good because you made a difference.Well, I'm  behind on chores so better get started. I hope every one of you has an awesome day; that you're surrounded by people who love you, believe in you, and take time to have some fun with you.

I shared this post again because I have discovered that there still aren't enough people reaching out to others. There are still far to many lonely, hurting, friendless people around us, oftentimes just across the street.

I share bottles of bubbles, magazines, and books. One of the things I love most to do is leave encouraging notes and little surprises for those who serve me: waitresses, cashiers, service station attendants, mail men, etc. The cost is little- the rewards enormous. A few dollars spent on magnets that say "Great job"  "Thank you." "You're really great at what you do." "You really stand out."  can have a lasting effect on another person's life.
   Leaving a post it for a new waitress saying " Hang in there. Tomorrow will be better." Is a huge help too. Of the many surprises I leave I have the most fun with the bubbles. I think it is because we all miss those former years, when life was slower- the world a safer, more calmer place. Sitting with friends and blowing bubbles lets us be a kid again, reminds us that one is never to old to have fun..to enjoy life.

Have an awesome day. Do something for somebody else. And then...do a little something for yourself. YOU count too.

Love you
Barb

I have been up since 4:00 a.m, and would you believe I am out of coffee? Though I only drink one cup a day most of the time, not being able to sleep left me with one horrible headache. Thankfully I'll be able to get some coffee in a bit. I won't drink it out of the cup above, but only because I don't have one like that. I think I will drink it out of the cup my daughter sent me as part of last years Christmas present. It is so beautiful. It's
one of those larger size cups; says "May the God, the source of HOPE, fill you with JOY, and PEACE. Romans 15:13 on it. It is painted in gorgeous autumn colors. Beautiful way to start one's day, isn't it?

 This morning's air was cold upon my cheeks when I stepped out onto the patio. It definitely helped clear my head a little. I wasn't happy that I lost so much sleep, but love waking up early like that; love sitting in the semi darkness, listening to the world wake up-watching it too.
  
 The solitude does something to my heart; always makes me acutely aware of the Lord; of all the beauty he created for us, and of all that he has done for me, and continues to do.
  The silence of the early morning hours is a gift, one I may unwrap as slowly as I choose, and I always unwrap them  slowly. I am never in a hurry to get pulled back into the hustle and bustle of the world- into it's noise and chaos.

I was thinking, while unable to sleep, of the millions of people in the world who are friendless, alone, hurting, sick, worried and afraid; was thinking of how different the world is from the world I knew as a child- even as a teenager. Back then people would linger over the fence, chatting while working in the yard or hanging clothes. A house would burn down, and the whole neighborhood would rush to help, would be providing needs before having to be asked. Back then I could ride my boyfriend's bicycle all over town without having to worry about being kidnapped or raped. My sisters and brothers could play out past dark, and Mom would not have to be worried about them.
Kids got bullied back then, just like today, but the bullying didn't lead to suicide.
The bullying was usually a few punches thrown, a bloody nose and black eye and it was over.

The thing that saddens my heart the most is how fearful everybody is, and the fact that families are not as close as they once were. The internet, cell phones, computers, etc, have taken the place of handwritten letters and personalized phone calls. Everybody (children and adults alike) are in a hurry), are so busy ...each into their own life that

they scarcely know what's happening with the rest of the family, are usually shocked when a crisis arrives and a family member is in trouble. "I didn't realize." is the response.  I didn't know."

Life is such a huge gift, but we take it for granted; always assume whatever needs doing can be done tomorrow. The thing is, there is no guarantee that we have the  full 24 hours that we run our lives by. Bad things happen, and not just to bad people.

We need to do our best to face up to things; to not stick our head in the sand when a crisis hits, hoping the problems and issues will disappear. It doesn't work that way. True- a crisis is no picnic- but if we'll just dig deep and pull up some courage, we'd discover ourselves to be much stronger than we believed ourselves to be.
It doesn't hurt to remember that ATTITUDE is everything. It really is. 
The older I get, the more I realize just how true that is.


Geez! Just read what I've written.What a mess! Well, just hope you understand how hard it is to focus without sleep. I'm going to try to get that coffee now.


Do I have any closing words? Yep!


AND...take time to smell the roses.

Thanks for listening, for caring, for your support, prayers, and friendship.
Love you much.

BARB

What? You mean I actually managed to get here before noon? Wow! Guess I'm doing better than I thought. Most of the time my good intentions fall by the wayside. But...
I found myself thinking of all of you, remembering when we first became friends so many years ago. Oh, but J-Land was such an awesome place, wasn't it? 
   It was such a close family, everybody genuinely caring for each other, all of us there for support as well as simply to enjoy sharing our life experiences. I still have times when those that are no longer with us cross my mind. Miss them so very much. Still, though they are missed, we still have one another, still know that when we hit a rough spot in life, we have but to reach out and we'll be be bombarded with emails, letters, cards, online chats. Sometimes, phone calls too, which pleasured me so much.

Life is good these days. Oh, like all of you I hit rough patches sometimes, have those moments when I have to sit myself down, take a deep breath, and remind myself of all the things the Lord helped me do that I didn't think I could do.

I have managed to finish most of my spring cleaning. Most, not all, because my pain level gets so high at times. But all in all things are looking better. I detest clutter!
My Mom used to tell me "A cluttered house makes for a cluttered mind." She was so right. The tidier my place is- the happier I am, the more content and at peace.

  This apartment complex has new owners again so some changes are coming. The first one is that they are doing away with the garden plots near our front door. They have rose bushes there and most people planted other flowers as well, or decorated them with lights, statues, etc. Those will be removed and replaced with cement. At first I didn't like that idea, but after thinking about it, I realized it is a good thing. We may not be able to plant flowers, but we can still set out flower planters and such. AND...no having to pull up weeds; you gotta love that. :)

The second thing is our patios, which I love. They are removing the patio roofs (don't like that part), and replacing the wood fencing with wrought iron ( I DO like that part).

The older I get- the more I hurt, the more I appreciate things being made easier for me.
I appreciate it, but get frustrated realizing just how many things I can no longer do for myself. I really miss feeling well, but am grateful, nevertheless, that my body still works. lol....Still gets me where I want to go, though much slower, and not always pain free.
 I have so much to be grateful for that I cannot complain. So much! There is always a new day, which offers opportunities to do better, to get healthier, to create new memories. I have a wonderful family, an awesome support system, wonderful friends, and an AMAZING  God who never fails me; is always there to comfort, uplift, bless, strengthen, guide, teach, listen, forgive, embrace, and love. With Him in my life I have enough...have it all.


Spring, one of my favorite seasons, gives us all a chance to be more active, to be outdoors without getting burned by the sun- or almost frozen by winter's wind, snow, and ice.

Our town is a tourist attraction town, and during spring and summer our highways are always heavy with traffic. People coming to visit our town usually fall in love with it. It is not only beautiful but there is plenty to do: rafting, boating, boat rides, fishing, hunting, swimming, hiking, checking out antique stores, auto shows, boat shows, fairs, picnics, movies, just to name a few Anybody visiting here would never get bored.

A lot of you have asked when I'm going to share another story online. I've not forgotten my promise to do that. I will, but am having some computer issues. I didn't want to get started then lose my computer ...and leave people hanging. I'm an avid reader so would hate that! Just as soon as I get things worked out I'll get that done. 


Hoping this post finds all of you doing well.  Take care.
Be good to yourselves and even better to others.

love you much,

Spring cleaning! I wonder how many women look forward to this- how many hate it.
Me? I have always loved it. Oh, there are some parts of cleaning I don't care that much for, mostly the harder stuff that requires getting on your knees, or climbing ladders.
But as far as the rest goes, I love making dirty things shiny again, love rearranging rooms, trying new colors, decorating in new ways. I rent, don't own, so of course am
limited as to what I can do. But that doesn't keep me from getting it done. Sometimes, while relaxing, enjoying the quiet, I mentally redo my entire apartment. :) It's free.
Can't beat that.

I have a friend who told me he sometimes wished I'd share a little about myself. I did
this once, many years ago, but I guess he missed that post. Some of you may have missed it too. I thought, since today is kind of a fresh start on my life, I'd kind of
introduce myself.

I am a widow now, but was married for 38 and a half years. I have six wonderful children- 4 sons and 2 daughters. Many grandchildren, 0ver 33 at last count. Quite a blessing isn't it? 
  I grew up in mostly small towns. We moved around a lot, which is probably where I 
get my love for traveling. One of the greatest thrills of my life was when I got to go trucking for three and a half years.
    I have been a waitress, telephone solicitor, sold Amway, Avon, and Studio Girl Cosmetics. I also worked at Jack-in-the-Box, and managed several Storage facilities,
 and was an apartment manager too. When my children were small, I baby sat for extra money and took in ironing to help make ends meet. 
   
  I not only love solitude and silence, but crave it. I'd not be much fun to be around if I didn't have that quiet time. Being able to just sit and be enables me to stay focused on what truly matters; helps me keep my priorities straight.

I am slow to anger- quick to forgive.
I am harder on myself than on others.
I am sometimes too analytical.
I have a great sense of humor, love to make people laugh.
I'm spontaneous, though not overly impulsive.
I am loyal, honest, dependable and friendly- very approachable.
I can sometimes be moody.
I struggle at times with low self-image.


I love the outdoors, really miss being able to go horseback riding. I used to do a lot of 
it when younger. Getting older certainly changes a lot of things. Another thing I can no longer do because of arthritis is to play the guitar. I really miss that. I played it when happy, sad, tired, worried..just all the time. It was a great stress reducer.
 
Things I enjoy doing the most: Writing stores and songs, reading, music, cooking, working with flowers, collecting music boxes, making inspirational tapes for friends and family.
  When I think about my life I'm amazed at how much God has given me, how far He's walked alongside me. He helped me understand the power of choice, the value of
silence, and the miracles and solutions to be found in solitude.

An example of how Barb's mind works. Below is my description of a cup.

A CUP:

A cup is not only what it appears to be. It appears to be a container,
 created solely for the purpose of containing something,
 usually a beverage.
I look at a cup and notice its texture, color and shape, and whether
 it is empty or full. I see the cup as a
man's heart; it can contain good things- or all manner of bad.
  
A cup to me, represents life. Like the cup, my life is full
and complete one moment, empty and not quite
together the next.
Like man, a cup can exist for a long time
if handled well, or become cracked and ruined
due to rough handling.

I love cups. They remind me sometimes of those 
whose hands created them.
Those hands have never been seen by me. But I
 appreciate their efforts;
wonder about them every time I'm given a cup
 by somebody who loves me.

Some cups appear more beautiful than others, 
because beauty does not look the same to all men.
A cup may not be attractive to some people,
 but that doesn't matter. It serves its purpose.
 
A man or woman can seem to be quite unattractive.
 But like the cup, once the right connection
 is made, once another individual discovers 
this persons hidden beauty, the two will
 more likely than not, create their own 
morning, noon, or nightly ritual.

**************************************************************************************



 Well, dear ones, thanks for putting up with my nonsense.
My apologies for the way this post is lined up.
I am having serious computer problems
right now. Need new computer.

Take care of yourselves.
 I'll be catching up with your blogs now that
I'm back on track

Love you much.
Barb

A 2012 REPOST

Good Morning,

I've not been able to post for quite awhile due to problems with my hands. As well, it's taken me a bit longer than I thought it would to adjust to life without my Johnny. But I am doing well, moving forward, each day watching for the opportunity to do better.

I don't know about you, but when I hit a rough patch in life I have to pencil
in some additional quiet time; need to take time to check out my priorities,
to take a personal inventory of my life. One of the things that helps me the
most is reading through my blogs and personal journals.
Sometimes, while doing this, I stumble across something that helps 
me see where I messed up. While doing this yesterday I came across 
the post I'm sharing today. Reading it lifted my spirits again,
helped me recognize exactly where I am emotionally, mentally, physically,
and spiritually. It also reminded me of the wonder of music, how powerful
a thing it is, which is the main reason I'm reposting it.



Saturday, Aug. 11, 2012

What Song Do You Sing?

What is your song, your story? How have you named yourself? What word, when you say it aloud, rings true about this inner voice, in the deepest part of your heart?
When I whisper the word mother aloud I feel a sense of responsibility. When I say "child of an alcoholic" I feel lost and afraid, confused and very sad. When I say "friend" I feel caring, valued, sometimes overwhelmed. Every time I ask myself another question, I place myself on a different pathway in life, have a different set of lessons to learn- opportunities to give.
    Johnny's being on hospice has caused me to spend a lot of nights thinking about my life. I often find myself viewing it as a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle and get frustrated when pieces don't quite fit. This was how it was last night, after the sun began its journey to the other side of the world. I got Johnny settled down for the night and stood on our patio staring at God's nightlights. Then it was, that I recalled the beautiful story I am now going to share with you.

   There is a tribe in Africa where the birth date of a child is counted- not from when they're born, not from when they're conceived- but from the day that the child was a thought in the mother's mind.
   
And when a woman decides that she will have a child, she goes off and sits under a tree, by herself, and she listens until she can hear the song of the child that wants to come. And after she's heard the song of this child, she comes back to the man who will be the child's father and teaches him the song.  And then, when they make love to physically conceive the child, some of the time they sing the song of the child, as a way to invite the child to come.
  
And then, when the mother is pregnant, the mother teaches that child's song to the midwives and the old women of the village, so that when the child is born, the old woman and the people around her sing the child's song to welcome it. And then, as the child grows up, the other villagers are taught the child's song. If the child falls, or hurts its knee, someone picks the child up and sings it's song to it. Or perhaps if the child does something wonderful, or goes through the rites of puberty--then as a way of honoring this person, the people of the village sing his or her song.

     And it goes this way through their life, in marriage; the songs are sung, together. And finally, when the child is lying in bed, ready to die, all the villagers know his or her song, and they sing, for the last time, the song to this person.

   What is your song, I ask again? Do you have one to comfort yourself, to encourage yourself? I"m not sure if this post will make sense to anybody reading it, but that's okay. It makes sense to me, is filling a need I have at the moment, an enormous need for comforting, which is why I went outside to gaze at God's nightlights; always lit so I can find my way home.

    My song? It is "How Great Thou Art."
    
There is nothing quite as comforting as staring up at the starry heavens. Doing that enables me to see just how small I really am, and just how great HE is- how absolutely Wonderful!

HAVE AN AWESOME  DAY. LOVE YOU MUCH.

BARB

A REPOST BY REQUEST

TODAY'S POST IS FROM 2009,

I'm posting it again for

Shawna, as I said, 

by request

Today's been tough, extremely hard for me. About the time I think I'm on top of a situation, the ground gets pulled out from under me.  I had a good cry, and I mean a good one. Then, needing some comfort and reassurance I talked things over with the Lord; told him how overwhelmed I felt, how heavy the sad within me is. I talked a long time, then sat quietly, as always I do, waiting, knowing that before long the emptiness I felt- the deep sadness would soon pass. And it did. 
    It began to fade away as I read an earlier post of mine. I'm sharing it again here, more for myself, than for you, but do hope something in this post lifts your spirits or makes you smile.
     
My 2009 Post
 
Whenever I start the morning greatly appreciating my life, I take a memory walk, wanting to reconnect with people who inspired me, encouraged me, lifted my spirits,  or taught me something, people whose belief in me enabled me to believe in myself.
     I shared Gingerbread and hot chocolate with my Mom, my heart filling with admiration as she shared her life experiences, speaking softly, as always she did, about how love can go wrong, how important it is to remember that people are more important than things, and that doing our best is always good enough. Our last conversation left me with words that literally changed my life. "If you can be honest with yourself, she said, "about yourself, you'll find the quality of your relationships will improve. Why? Because when you look at another persons  faults you're now able to see your own."She's been gone a long time now, but sometimes, like today, it's as if she never left.

The second person I visited on my walk was my father. As in all families, and within all relationships, not all is perfect. It was so with us. But I've never focused on the hurting memories, of which there are many. Better it is, I learned a long time ago, to focus on the good in life, as well as in people. This being so, I revisited Sequoia National Park; ate cold watermelon as I observed my father, who stood leaning against a Redwood tree- gazing upwards while sipping a cold beer, looking happier than I'd ever seen  him. "It just doesn't get better than this."he said, smiling at me.
     I've never forgotten that moment or the sights, sounds, and smells of it. My father taught me many things (though none by example). The most important thing?
 1-Don't take life or people for granted.
 2- Learn to control your emotions- don't allow them to control you.
 3- Everybody deserves a second chance.
   
Next to visit was Tommy, the first love of my life. I rode his maroon and white bicycle again, danced with him, went horseback riding, and felt his strength when he embraced me for the last time. It's okay, Princess." he whispered, while brushing my tears away with his fingers. "I'll be back."
   He didn't come back, but what I learned from him kept me strong, has helped me through many a storm. He was unique, had the heart of a poet- was so tall in my eyes. He taught me the true meaning of integrity, loyalty, and friendship, taught me that I'm much stronger than I believe myself to be, and am able to do whatever I wish to do.

Next, I visited Pastor Joe, who introduced me to Jesus, enabled me to experience somebody actually living what God says love is. I spoke with former friends, spent an hour swinging on an old tire swing, then revisited the tree house Tommy built for me. "For when life's too heavy." he said.
     Oh, but I loved that tree house, spent many hours there doing nothing except think about life- about how unfair it was, the way it put heaven in your hands, only to snatch it from you when you least expected it. I thought about how noisy the world was, and how hard it was to find a quiet place. I thought about the present day- wondered what tomorrow would bring (if it would leave my life as it was or change it into something I would hate). Mostly I'd think about Tommy, wishing, praying, hoping, as his dad did, that we'd be together always.

We weren't together for always. But life goes its own way, doesn't it? And the years pass, each one confronting us with truths we're never quite ready to face like: waking up one day and realizing that not only has youth left us, but we are no longer in the middle-age bracket. It takes much longer now  to do things we once did so quickly- so easily. And we're not always comfortable with the stranger in the mirror, nor with our bodies, which far to often betray us.
   But we're always going through some kind of transitions, whether big or small. And not all changes are bad.
     Like many of you I'm facing difficult things: the death of a sister, another one recovering from a stroke, a third with Parkinson's, a son whose marriage failed, a daughter losing her home...and the list goes on. We're all going through hard times, but even so, we are blessed. Every one of us! So as I so often say, be brave and have courage. Every trial comes to its own end. There is always tomorrow with it's brand new opportunities.  What helps me the very most is not to remember who I am, but whose I am.

I wish you all good things: love, joy, laughter, peace, and hope.

As always, Johnny and I wish to thank each of you for your friendship, support

***As you know my Johnny died in 2012. Even so, I left the last line in
the post. If he were here he's ask me to include him in well wishes. He alwasys did.
   Shawna, I'm not sure why you wanted to read this again, but here it is, 
hon. Glad I could help.

For the rest of you, know you're in my prayers every day. I've been taking
a blog break, haven't been doing much of late except taking care of myself, 
building my health back up. I'll be updating all my blogs real soon.

Have an awesome day.
Love you much.