WHAT LOVE IS NOT

One of the saddest things about abusive relationships is that more often than not, family, friends, and loved ones are in denial about what is going on. Having grown up the way I did, I thought horrible things like what I was experiencing only happened at our house. I didn't realize till I'd grown up that probably five out of ten friends were experiencing the same thing I was.  Now, as a mother of six children and many grandchildren, I'm more than concerned about domestic violence and child abuse, which is why I'm writing on this.

 1 in 3 teenagers report knowing a friend or peer who has been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically hurt by their partner.
1 in 4 teenage girls have been pressured to have oral sex or to engage in intercourse.
Nearly 80 % of girls who have been physically abused in their relationships continue to date the abuser.
Of the women between ages15-19 murdered each year, 30% are killed by husband or boyfriend.
Less than 25% of teens say they have discussed dating violence with their parents.
   Teens report dating abuse via technology is a serious problem.

71 % of teens regard boyfriends/girlfriends spreading rumors about them on cellphones and social networking sites as a serious problem.
68% of teens say boyfriends/girlfriends sharing private or embarrassing
pictures/videos on cell phones and computers is a serious problem. Cell phone calls and texting at unimaginable frequency mean constant control day and night.
 Nearly 1 in 4 teens in a relationship (24%) communicated with their partner via cellphone or texting HOURLY between midnight and
5:00 a.m.
One in three teens (30%) say they are messaged 10, 2o, 30, times an  hour by a partner inquiring where they are, what they are doing, or who they are with.
 This is Partial Statistics from (Liz Claiborne,Inc.study conducted by
Teenage Research Unlimited; Feb. 2005). 

The problem is much worse today. We have to do something, must do something besides wring our hands and pray. What can we do? A good place to start would be to begin teaching our children, both boys and girls, what LOVE IS NOT!
    We  must teach them, at an early age that love is not: hitting, slapping,
punching, pulling, choking, shoving, spitting, hurting. It is not cursing, insulting, criticizing, constantly telling others how fat they are, how short they are, how ugly they are, or how stupid and dumb they are.
It is not saying. "If you loved me you would.'" It is not saying, "It's your fault I got angry."
It is not saying."See what you made me do"
Love is not tearing down-it's building Up.
Love is being kind, patient, helpful, treating others the way we
wish to be treated.

It is not surprising that so much abuse is going on. Children become what they see and experience.  I'd love to hear your opinion on this. For more information you can go to  http://www.teensagainstabuse.org/

Please don't just read this. Pass it on to others and start teaching the little ones you know about love. If we start teaching our children, while they're little, what LOVE IS NOT, they're not likely to wind up in abusive relationships;they'll  recognize abuse when they see it. And recognizing the signs will save lives.

Take care now,

Odds & Ends

I wasn't sure what to write about this morning till a neighbor asked "Barb, "Are you always this happy?" Her question got me to thinking about the many reasons I had to be happy. I have the Lord with me every day. My body is still working for me in spite of my bad back, arthritis, and the horrible fatigue that plagues me. I have family members enduring hard, painful situations, children who have lost their way, and a husband whose health is failing, but I never forget that my worst day is the kind of day some people face every day, with no friends, no love, and no support. There is always somebody worse off than me. Remembering that enables me to be aware of each days blessings.
      Actually, I am quite rich because  I'm loved, have people in my life who believe in me, in my goals and in the dreams I hold so tightly too. I am content with what I have and have learned not to take life, or myself too seriously.
   I've also met some compassionate, caring, loving, supportive people online,  people who take time out to email me even when they're busy, or going through hard times themselves. They have no idea how much they have blessed me.
    I am able to spend time alone each day, which strengthens me, helps me remain focused, and enables me to have a quiet mind and a peaceful heart. Solitude and silence enable me to hear more clearly, that which the Lord would have me hear. I've learned, but not easily, how to live in the present moment, rather than waste time looking over my shoulder, longing to relive what once was.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
How often have you heard this sentence? " How can I help; I'm just one person?"
Our world has become a hard, scary, extremely uncomfortable place to live. People are not always unwilling to help but mistakenly believe there isn't anything they can do. But there IS! Each of us can make a difference somewhere. All big things, HUGE things began with one step, one brick, one idea. Our world is full of hurting, lonely, fearful,  needy people who need our help, friendship, love and support.
    Start where you are. Surprise a senior citizen with some flowers, an invitation to dinner, or when you see him, or her, sitting alone stop to chat. Look around you. There is a child somewhere (far too many of them), who is desperately in need of a friend. Write to those in the armed forces. And here's a good idea, one my friends and family loved. I found the prettiest, fancy bottle I could find, filled it with notes that told these people why I was proud of them, why I loved them, what made them so unique and special. I tied a pretty bow on it and placed it where they could find it. It turned out to be a favorite gift -.a wonderful surprise.

LIFE

Life is, as I always say, a wisp of smoke- here, then gone. It's easy to forget that our days are numbered. Now is the time to set those goals, to believe in the dreams we've held so tightly too: One day I'll start that savings account; one day I'll start that exercise class; one day I'll find a child to mentor; one day I'll write that book, will take that trip. Now is the time to get started- not tomorrow, next week, or next  year. The longer we put goals and dreams on hold, the more chance there is we'll never reach them- never live them.


FOR THE LOVE, FRIENDSHIP, SUPPORT AND PRAYERS.

BARB

DO OUR WORDS BLESS OR HURT?

I decided to write about words this morning because of what I see and hear around me. Of all the lessons I have learned in my lifetime, recognizing the power of words is the lesson that improved my relationships and enabled me to work through problems with those I care about, rather than shutting them out of  my life as I used too when I was younger.

Words are powerful things; so powerful we have to be careful how we string them together in our sentences, our speech, our letters, and emails. Words can make a man or break a man;  inspire him or destroy him. They will motivate him, or steal his joy, hope, and peace. They will fill him with despair or cause him to believe that nothing is impossible. Words  will encourage a man or discourage him, leaving him feeling empty, asking himself "why bother to try anymore?"
    
The words we put into our minds are powerful too for we believe what we tell ourselves. If we tell ourselves "I can't." we've pretty much killed our motivation. If we tell ourselves how afraid we are, we become fearful, insecure people. What we tell ourselves determines, to a large degree, what choices we will make, or not make. 
I have made it a point, for the last year, to pay attention to what I'm been telling myself. To say I was surprised  at what this experiment taught me, would be an understatement.

Listed  below is an example of just some of the things I'd been telling myself. The original list was longer, so I am making progress. Paying attention to what I say has improved my life by 80 %, and I know it will continue to get better. I'm posting this because I thought perhaps some of you might be telling yourselves these things too.

List of Things I've Told Myself when, sad, lonely, afraid, overwhelmed,or
feeling discouraged.

1- I can't do this.
2- This is too hard.
3- I'll never be able to understand this.
4- Nothing ever changes.
5- I can't do anything right.
6- Nobody cares any way.
7 -I'm too old.
8- I'm not smart enough.
9- What's the sense of trying.
10- I'll never get back in shape.

DISTORTIONS OF LOGIC.
That's what the above statements are. The more I said  them to myself, the more I believed them.  It's taken me a long time to realize the harm I was doing to myself, a long time to recognize that what I told myself was changing my life, and not always in a good way. How about you?  What negative tapes do you still run in your mind, if any?

Well, I guess I'd better get started on my day. There is a lot to do, and when I am this tired it always takes me longer to get things done.  Kindly overlook the variety of fonts. My computer is messing up today.

  Enjoy the moments of your life as they come, and if possible create a beautiful memory for somebody who doesn't expect it. You won't have to look far to find that person. There are a lot of lonely people out there. Some might just be your neighbors. 

Love you much,







  

Remember, my friends,
 

Never look back to yesterday; it  served its purpose, was only meant to be used once. If you must reflect upon it, reflect upon memories that are good, inspirational, taught you something, or helped somebody else. If there are none, leave yesterday alone.

We think we know ourselves until we see our reflection
in another persons eyes.

Pursue what makes for peace and uplifts others  as well
as yourself.

Friendship disappears if abused, leaving the fool to stand alone.

Perfection, aside from the Lord, is when heart and mind, together, walk a straight line.

Unwavering faith can handle anything.

Faith not exercised is where doubt comes from.



Keep a song in your heart. Don't let life's trials keep you discouraged, and never forget that fear only has as much power as you give it.




for the many prayers, good wishes and friendship.
Love you much.

BARB


P.S. For those who are interested
 I have reopened " From Barb's Spiritual Journal."
Here is the link   http://frombarbsspiritualjournals.blogspot.com/

A New Day- A New Way, A New Road

Good Morning,

Sometimes, when life is so overwhelming, when my trials seem heavier than I can bear, I think of this photo, for it always comforts me, reminding me that  every twenty-four hours a new day confronts me. I have opportunity to walk a different path, have the opportunity to travel upon a different road, one that will enable my heart and mind together, to walk a straight line. I can't do that by myself. I have to place my hand within the Lord's, keep my eyes upon him, and walk beside him.
  He is helping me remember how important that is, to walk beside him rather than ahead, or worse, falling behind. If fall behind I will no doubt fall back into the habit of trying to work things out myself, and that never works. It's like putting the horse before the cart. If I make the mistake of running ahead of the Lord, my foolishness will cause me to stumble, to act before getting his advice, his directions.

These past few months have been so very hard for me. The river would rise in my eyes so unexpectedly. My heart would be so low- upon the ground even, yet in his goodness he did not allow it to remain there. The warmth of His love lifts me up, HE lifts me up. He brushes me off, and hugs me close to his heart. "It's alright," I can imagine him saying to me. "You're not alone, child. I'm here."

As I do in my Spiritual journal when I'm troubled,  I ask myself "What might the Lord tell me today?"  I think today he'd tell me to be brave, to not lose heart, to be courageous, for he is coming soon. I think he'd tell me that when my burden seems too heavy, to remember that He is willing to carry it for me. He'd tell me, I know, not to forget how far he has walked with me, how many storms he's seen me through. He'd remind me how often I asked him to stay with me till sleep found my eyes; how many times he held me tight, close to his heart when I cried.

Each new day contains it's share of troubles. What helps is to not make a burden weigh a ton. When the Lord helps carry it our burdens are light, easy to handle, and that, not in our strength, but in His.

   Today has it's share of sadness and concerns but I choose not to focus on them. Better it is I think, to remember the wisdom in choosing the right road to travel- to remember that a day containing hard things is really a good thing, painful though it may be. Trials reveal to the world and to ourselves, both our weaknesses and our strengths. They help us develop into the kinds of  people who can make a difference. I think we all want that.


I want to thank you for praying for our family, for the thoughtful and supportive comments, and for your friendship. It's been tough trying to grieve the loss of my sister while having a husband on hospice and a daughter-in-law who is very ill too. I love and appreciate every one of  you. Johnny asked me to thank you too, for being so kind and loving to me.


Have an awesome day, my friends. Be good to yourselves - better to others, and don't forget that life is short. Create beautiful memories today.

Love you much,

                                                            

A Tribute To My Sister, Jacqueline

 It is a hard thing, hearing that your youngest sister died. When you died, honey, a part of me died too. The first image upon my mind when I heard the news, was not how you looked today, but how you looked when you were a little girl, pretty much like the little girls above. You were sitting at the side of our house, in a pretty pink dress, that was now all mud stained because you were making mud pies. Your talking blue eyes fairly danced as you held a pie out to me, wanting me to taste it. Your Shirley Temple dimples, deepened when you smiled and talked.
You were such a beautiful thing, like a little doll, almost. You didn't change much as you grew up, except you grew more beautiful, and not just on the outside. You married and had children. I married and had children too. Your marriage turned out to be a good one, my first one didn't.You were there for me whenever I needed you.

I miss you already, but am so grateful that I can take a million memory walks and visit with you any time I want too, and I will. I'll remember the time I spent a week with you, and while there discovered that I could write stories, so wrote a special one for Johnny's and my 16th Anniversary. It was so much fun typing out a few pages, then taking a coffee break and sharing them with you. You were so proud of me, so amazed that I could write such things, even more amazed than me, I think. |

I'll remember the two of us putting on a record, then each of us writing out whatever came to us while listening to the music.

I'll remember the word games we played, the hours we'd spend at your kitchen table, talking about everything from bugs to religion. I'll remember the kindness you bestowed upon me when Johnny accidentally tossed out the story I'd been writing on, the first one. I was so crushed that I was unable to write for a long time, didn't even want too. Then one day, you sent me a precious email that said, "Sis, about the lost book. Let it go, Barb. What you lost was words on paper, but the story is still in your head and upon your heart."
Those few words have helped me more times than I can say.

Jackie, you and I had our differences, as sisters sometimes do, but beneath it all we both knew that love was there- love and the desire to be united again. It hurts to lose you, but in all the ways that count I've not lost you at all. You'll remain in my heart and we will see each other again. The loss is so painful, honey, but I am so glad that you are no longer hurting, no longer sad or having to struggle to simply make it through another day.

I could have chosen a different picture for this entry, but as I said, the first

image that came to my mind upon hearing that you were no longer with us was the one of you as a little girl. Goodbye, sweetheart. I shall always love you, always miss you.

Just Sharing

Romans 8:28

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love
God...."

 When I was nine, I was bored and becoming a pest to the adults around me, so my uncle gave me an old clock to tinker with. I held it to my ear, while listening to it's soft ticking sound, and then, being curious, I took it apart. I was too young to understand what made it tick  but did discover that it took many different parts to make the clock work.
 
Like the clock, a man requires more than one part if he is to function properly and be able to cope with the realities of life. He could not possess just one part and be complete; could not, for instance just have patience. If patience was all he had, what would he do if he found himself in a situation that required courage or faith? What if he were to need compassion, or understanding. wisdom, mercy, or strength? We need a lot of parts in order to not just cope with the harshness of life, but to be able to appreciate and value it as well.
 
The world our wonderful God created, is made up of opposites: night-day, sorrow-joy, spring-winter, etc. We could never appreciate the more colorful one, the one that makes us happy unless we've first tasted the
bitterness of the trials we've experienced. God does not always send the trials we're confronted with, but he most definitely allows them. How else could He make sure that we have the parts we'd need in order to overcome the difficulties in our lives, as well as be a blessing to those around us who are hurting? Yes, there is a harshness to life; much pain and enormous sorrow, but there is always their opposite.
    Whenever I see a rainbow, I see the darker colors as the trials I've been through, the brighter colors, as joy; the JOY  God gave me for trusting Him during the  darkest moments of my life: the death of my parents, a betrayal, a failed marriage, having a child in an abusive relationship  for years, the loss of a very dear friend, a job, two precious children in trouble.
My greatest JOY fills me up, and that JOY comes from HE who believed in me, loved me, forgave me, when nobody else could- or would.
All Things Work Together For Good To Them That Love God.

What a powerful blessing, what reassuring words to a troubled person, somebody not understanding what it takes for us to function properly, not understanding what we need, in order to cope with the hard side of life.

It says all things (WORK), which means everything has been checked out; nothing will break down and leave us stranded. It means all things are working now, at this very minute...and for our good, because we love God. It means we have no reason to doubt or be troubled about the trials in our lives. Each part is necessary in order for us to be successful; to grow, and become the kind of people God desires us to be.

AND WE KNOW ( we are positive)
THAT ALL THINGS (every single thing)
WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD.

Let's not worry and fret any more, but give our burdens to the Lord. We have but to say, "Father, this is just to heavy for me," and he takes care of it.

I hope every one of you has a blessed day, and that no matter how steep the hill, you'll keep climbing. The view at at top is more than worth it.
I speak from experience, for as I write this one of my sisters is dying, my husband is on hospice, a son is in trouble, a daughter-in-law very ill. As painful as these things are they will one day be behind me. I don't sink, though my heart is heavy, because I truly believe what I have told you. Everything, in the end, works out; not always as we wish it would, but the way God knows is best. He doesn't give us what we want...but what we need.

Thank you again, for all the loving support, prayers and good wishes.

Love you much.