My goodness. It has been so long since I have posted anything that I'm wondering if my mind will cooperate with me. Well, won't know unless I give it a try so here we go...:)
What have I been up too? It depends upon how you look at it, I guess. Some people, observing my life, might think I have accomplished little since they last interacted with me. But on the other hand, there are people who have known me for many years, and seeing me so idle most of the time, don't mistake that for laziness. They have come to understand me, to know that every once in awhile, usually when too much is upon my plate, I take time for solitude and silence. It is in those two things that I am able to regain clarity of vision, a better understanding of why my life is such a mess, and most of all, am better able to hear more clearly the things the Lord would have me hear.
One of my friends, awhile back, got her feelings hurt when she asked my opinion about one of her relationships, why I thought it was going so bad- was so painful. My answer was not to hurt her, but had been given based upon my own life experience. What I said was "Honey, your problem may be simply that you are not a good listener. She was, as I was years earlier, when recognizing this about myself, defensive. "I am SO a good listener she said. And so
I tried to explain it better, and thankfully was able too.
I told her I'd always believed myself to be a good listener too, but one day, while having a disagreement with one of my teenagers, he said" Well, Mom, you never listen. Never!"
At that time, we were in the middle of a heated argument so I really WASN"T listening, but was mostly wanting him to be quiet so he could hear what I WANTED TO SAY."
Silent listening, I discovered, means exactly what it says, which is "Be quiet while somebody else is talking. And be quiet not only, but focus on what is being said." It is only when we are silent, and really focusing on what is being said, that understanding is born. And with better understanding the quality of our relationships improve.
This is one reason I love going for walks alone. We hear so much more, and notice so much more, when we are by ourselves, when we are not being pulled in five or more different directions at once- when we are multi-tasking, which in my opinion, keeps us from being able to embrace the really wonderful SHINY moments that are so often right in front of us.
I have been diagnosed with stage 3 Chronic Kidney Disease. It is not pleasant, tore a rather big hole into my comfort zone, which for awhile, caused me to feel uncertain and unsure of myself. I found myself falling back into the old way of coping, which was telling myself "I can do this. I will be okay." That didn't work years ago, and won't work today. What worked the best for me was remembering how willing the Lord is to carry my burdens, to help me with any problem (BIG OR SMALL), how quick he always was, and still is, to enable me to make it through each moment of the day. Remembering this, and leaning on Him, keeps me strong, content, and actually joyful. It is hard not to be joyful when i am so blessed:
My family has always been there for me, and every one of you dear readers. You have all
loved and supported me, always reminded me that I am not alone, that you are in my corner, just as I have always been, and will always be...in yours.
Life is good!!! Very good!!! It is full of opportunities to do better- be better. It is full of SHINY moments that make us smile, laugh, whistle, embrace, promise, and laugh again. Life is full of KODAK moments. Let's not miss any of them.
I am going to be a great grandmother again before long. If my last count is correct there are four little ones entering the world before very long. All of them are out of state little ones so will have to rely on photos for a bit, but that is okay. Photos are wonderful things.
Weather:
We are out of the cold mostly. Our winter wasn't particularly hard. We had little rain but at least got some, which is more than some people got. Still, wonderful as this season can be I am looking forward to the colors, fragrances, and newness of spring, which isn't that far off. I do miss having a garden, miss planting flowers as my Johnny and I always did. But there are
beautiful indoor plants and that is what I will start with this year. Indoor plants and some beautiful flowers for the patio.
Though I live in an apt. now, instead of a house, I am amazed at how much cleaning lies ahead for me, how much junk I need to dispose of. My goal is to scale down to only those things I actually use. I worked on this a bit awhile back, but had to quit...the pain was too much and the fatigue. Thankfully, my son does for me what I am unable to manage.
Writing:
Many of you have asked when, if ever, I will post another story, have asked if I would consider re-posting "We Get What We Give," and "After The Rain." I greatly miss writing,
and have, several times, tried to get started on this. But between the fatigue and pain I was unable too. BUT... I have determined to do this, not just for those who have requested it, but
Have to stop here. Need to rest a bit and fix an early lunch, I had a very early breakfast and my stomach is complaining about it.
Do have an awesome day. Create some beautiful memories and get that camera out so you don't miss those KODAK moments.
Be good to others--and as gentle with yourselves.
BUY A JAR OF BUBBLES AND USE THEM. BUY SEVERAL EXTRA SO YOU CAN
PASS OUT A FEW. IT COSTS LITTLE AND ALWAYS MAKES PEOPLE SMILE.
Love you much,
BARB
