CHRISTMAS EVE

It's the night before Christmas, and I find myself thinking about the men and women in the armed forces, knowing their Christmas won't be like mine. Even as I enjoy our beautifully decorated tree, the quiet of the night, the joy of knowing  my husband is still with me, and that tomorrow, our son and grandchild will spend Christmas day with us, it's hard not to cry.  Sometimes I do. How could I not?
     Our troops, so far away from home, have no pillow beneath their heads, no warm shower, nobody to hug and kiss them or comfort them when they are weary and lonely, fearful and worried. They don't have a warm breakfast to start their day, don't get to enjoy something so simple as a cup of coffee, and have nothing much to look forward too, except more of what they just experienced the day before.
    These brave men and women are where they are because they love their country and want to keep it safe- want to keep all of us safe. I think sometimes we forget that the freedom we have came with a price, a very HIGH price. 
   We need to stop taking what we have for granted; need to truly appreciate all that we have. We are so blessed, so rich, yet in the ways that count- sometimes very poor.
   Please, as you celebrate Christmas, do it with our troops in mind. And then, as the New Year begins, consider making a commitment to pray for our troops every day; and not pray only, but do something for them.

Type  Support Our Troops in your toolbar and a page will come up giving you all kinds of ways to help.

I'd like to wish every one of you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year too.
Remember that the new year gives us another opportunity not only do better, but to be better too. I love do-overs. Don't you?

A SIMPLE GIFT

I'd been sitting at the computer for several hours, updating journals and answering mail, when I got an email from a friend. She asked me to pray for a little boy who has cancer." He's just five years old." she wrote," and his Grandmother is very worried about him."
    I wrote her back, asking  her to send me the Grandmother's email address. As soon as I received it, I wrote the grandmother, asking her to tell me about her grandson. The letter she wrote me was long, and quite sad. Her love for her grandson was so great, that the very thought of losing him was making her ill. "I can't sleep," she wrote, "and can't keep food down much either. I cry all the time. My precious Marco (her grandson) is my heart. He has been in and out of the hospital, Barb, since he was three and a half. The cancer went away, but came back again, six months ago. The chemo is not helping much. He is wasting away, is but skin and bones. "
    I asked about Marco's parents. She wrote "His father cries almost as much as I do. His mother is like a zombie, just walks around the house, doing things that need to be done, then sits down and stares into space.
   And Marco's little brother, who is three, keeps begging to see Marco. But Marco won't see him. He gets hysterical if asked to see his brother. He says "I'm ugly now, with no hair. I don't want my brother to see me." so the parents don't make him. They try to keep him calm as they can.
Barb, this is so hard. What will I do if my sweet Marco dies?  I don't know what to do to help him. He looks like a little old man; never smiles any more, doesn't talk much, just gets more depressed."
    Sleep became rather elusive, once I began writing Marco's grandmother. I kept thinking of this small child, so loved, who was dying a little every day. I prayed about it; asked God to bless Marco and his family, and to help me find a way to lift their spirits. He did.
    I  bought two big bottles of Bubbles, 1 smaller bottle of Bubbles, and six fancy Bubble wands. I also purchased a miniature Bambi (stuffed animal).
    Angels must have delivered Marco's present, because it seemed I barely sent it, when I got a thank you letter from his Grandmother.
   She said, "Dear Barb. I can't thank you enough. I wish you could have been here when my sweet Marco opened the gift you sent. He is very weak, and the medicine he's taking makes him  very sleepy at times too, so when he got the present unwrapped, it took him a few minutes to realize what he was looking at. He was too weak to open the bottle of bubbles, so I did. I dipped a wand into the bottle, then waved it back and forth. Bubbles were everywhere, BIG ones as well as little ones. Marco's smile, Barb, lit up the room. He said,"Let me try, Grandma." I held the bottle, while he dipped the wand. When he waved it back and forth and saw the bubbles, he laughed, Barb...for the first time in many months. And not only that, he said, "Go get Anthony (his little brother)
so he can blow bubbles too. And the sweet Bambi, Barb, he plays with it all day, and at night, when he goes to sleep, he places Bambi on his pillow. "

A small gift, bubbles, but what huge blessings came out of that gift.
Marco's grandmother tells me that Marco never runs out of Bubbles. It has become his favorite thing. This happened three years ago. Marco is now eight, has thick, curly hair and runs and plays like any other eight-year old boy.
    And Bubbles? I keep many bottles on hand. I take some with me and hand them out to kids, to people sitting alone on a bench, to family members, to neighbors, to anybody who crosses my path. Sometimes I sit on our patio, and blow bubbles. Try it, silly as it sounds. You just might be surprised. The simplest of things often are the easiest and cheapest way, to help another smile again. 

First Impressions

People matter to me so I go out of my way to understand them; to learn what makes them happy, angry, sad, disappointed, hopeful, depressed, or fearful. I try to learn what makes them feel good about themselves, hate themselves, get to the point that they want to give up. I like to know why some people are so successful, while others struggle just to make ends meet; like to know why some individuals have dreams and set goals, while others set no goals, don't even have a dream.
  
What I know about people, including myself, is that their inside seldom matches their outside. It is wise to look behind angry words. An angry person is usually a hurting person. A smile doesn't always mean a person is happy, tears don't always mean a person is sad.
     People who don't cry are sometimes seen as too emotional. But quite often it's simply their way of keeping strong. It happens sometimes, that if you've cried openly, shared that deep sorrow, and got put down for it, were criticized and ridiculed, you no longer cry; or if you do, it is when you are alone. As well, many hurting people are afraid to let themselves cry; believing that once they start they might not be able to stop.
  
We all influence somebody at some point in our lives, but may not realize it. And, on the other side of the coin- we are influenced by another person's confidence, their strong faith, their talent, perhaps just their ability to express themselves. We're influenced by those who climbed to the top, when others failed to believe they'd be able too.
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People wear masks; pretending to be happy, when they aren't, pretending to be alright, when inside, they are falling apart. They pretend to be satisfied with their looks, but in reality hate themselves, always wishing they were different.

People pretend to be strong because others tell keep telling them how strong they are. It never occurred to them to just be honest and say."Look, I"m not feeling strong today." They may be feeling  afraid, insecure, lost and misplaced, or worse, losing the desire to live. Many people would find it difficult to say, "Could you stay with me for a little while, or call me? I'm really struggling today, could use some help."

People have become cautious, find it difficult to trust any more. Our world has become a dangerous place, is filled with violence, and threats of violence. People,  being fearful,  withdraw, too many, making a fortress out of their home. They are too fearful to venture out. Their comfort zones have shrunk. Where once it covered a huge amount of space- it now covers  home, to the store, to a relatives house, a doctor maybe, and to church. Some people are afraid to even enjoy their front yards. It is wise to be cautious, but a mistake, I believe, to let those who are evil have such control over lives. Bad things happen to good people too.

 Shared this because it is the holiday season; a time for sharing our love, our friendship, as well as food, and perhaps shelter for somebody. So many people, even in our own neighborhoods, could use some support, an invitation to a meal, a home visit, an unexpected email, a letter of encouragement. We all have something to share. I hope this day finds each of you doing well, in reasonably good health, in touch with family and friends, and remembering how unique- how special you are.

Have an awesome day. And don't forget that life is short, so create a beautiful memory.

 

Gratitude

This morning, Lord, I need to thank you, rather than feel sorry for myself.
I want to thank you for today's breath of life, want to thank you for helping me make it through each day. It is so hard sometimes, to remain strong, to keep a smile on my face when my heart is breaking. I would not be able to do it were it not for You.
     Many has been the time, that my heart lay like a leaf upon the ground, a lifeless thing. But then you came,  and blessed me with the honor of your presence, and  allowed me to experience the warmth and tightness of your embrace. So now, no matter the trial, or how intense the pain, joy fills my heart. Whenever I feel trapped or overwhelmed, I have but to stretch my hands heavenward, and you take hold of them. You hold them tightly, and fill me with confidence, courage and renewed hope.

Bless my friends and family today, Lord.
Bless those who are today hurting so much; those who are fearful, sick, fighting addictions, struggling to keep their marriages together.
Bless, Lord, those in the armed forces, those confined to their beds,
the friendless, and those in prison.
Bless the children who are being abused,
the single mothers and fathers,
those who have no  home,
those who are suffering because of natural disasters,
those who are elderly, and are afraid,
those who love you, and those who don't.
Bless the leaders of our country, and those who are giving of
themselves in order to bless others.
Bless the caretakers, Lord, and those who are lost, desperately trying to find something, or somebody to believe in.

And forgive us, Gracious Father, as a nation, for shutting you out, for failing to give thanks for all you have done for us. Forgive us for failing to rightly
represent you.

 Forgive me, for allowing somebody else to be first in my heart, for too long. Forgive me for forgetting all you have taught me; how patient you have been, how kind, how merciful.
Forgive me for being slow to forgive, rather than quick; for being too quick to judge, for failing to always be honest about my own flaws of character.
  
I love you so much, far more than I could ever tell you. But you know. And knowing you do, makes me happy. Thank you for listening to my prayer and for answering it. I know you will, because you are faithful. I do ask these things in Jesus name. Amen.
  

Good Morning Guys & Dolls

 

I woke up this morning counting my blessings, which are many. The one thing I am most thankful for, at the moment, is that I have not forgotten to look for the blessings during my darkest, most painful moments. They are always there. But sometimes, when we are discouraged, weary, in a lot of pain or overwhelmed, we lose our bearings. It's hard to stay focused when we've lost a lot of sleep, hurt, or have more than one thing at a time to deal with.
   
What has helped me most, is remembering to start my morning with the Lord. I thank Him for the day's gift of life, then thank Him for being willing to listen to me, and give me answers. He always does.
       A dear friend asked me, not long ago, why I thought she had such a hard time with her faith."It's up, then down." she told me. "And you know I love the Lord and DO believe in Him."
     I thought about her question for awhile, then told her I felt that she was forgetting something. What she was forgetting is that she is no different than the precious people in the Bible. Every one of them, I told her, struggled with their faith at times. We are all strong, I said, but not always. We have faith, but at times it might  waver. The fact that it does, doesn't mean we no longer have faith. It just means that perhaps we've not kept it as active as we should have. Faith, when not put to use, is nothing but a five letter word. We've all been given a measure of faith. How large and strong a faith we have, will depend upon how active we keep it.
  
     If your day is going badly, if you are afraid, feeling insecure, worried about loved ones, are sick, lost, or wondering what to do about your situation, know you are in my prayers, every morning, every night.
     Sometimes it seems, I know, as if  nothing will ever get better. It seems like the harder you try, the worse things get. I know that feeling, have felt it many times. And it is painful. But when things are difficult, we have to keep on keeping on, always reminding ourselves that it won't always rain, that even if we cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, it IS there, and one day we WILL be able to see it.
   
     We have to reach out to others, even if we may be shy about it, have never done it before. Trust me, there are people  who would reach out to you, if only they were made aware of your need.
     I want to take a minute here, to thank those of you who have taken time for me. You've taken time to comment on what I write, even though it may not be something you're particularly interested in. You've taken time to email me, just to say hello, and ask how I am doing. You've gone out of your way to make me know that I matter. For that I am, and will ever be, eternally grateful.
 

     As I always say, and have become even more aware of how true it is, since my husband is on hospice, life is but a wisp of smoke- here, then gone. I encourage  you to create a special memory today.

IF FOR A MOMENT

If I for a moment, could do what I would,
You'd know the freedom of flying.
So high above the world you would be,
Beyond the touch of human hands
And the disillusionment from reality,
That finds us all from time-to-time.

It would not be a withdrawal from life, but rather
An extension of its depths.
Only you, and I, and God, would understand.
Only you, and I, and God, would be content
With the gentle strength that lies beneath-
Only you, only me, only God.

So many gifts you've given willingly, and lovingly
To this family of three; So many repairs of the hearts
You've done- seeking nothing- accepting nothing.

Someday, when the world least expects it,
I will become successful. My words will move the
Hearts and minds of men - by God's grace.
When my day arrives--and it surely will,
You and I will stand in awe
Of what has been accomplished.
I could not rightfully claim full credit, for besides
God's mighty blessings and kindness shown,
You have forever remained supportive of all
I am now, and all I will one day become.

You shall have freedom one day,
From all the chains that bind you
Against your will,
Against your spirit,
Against what God would have you see,
Be, and possess.
I don't see you as earthbound
For you are a mighty warrior,
Possessing great endurance.
Hold on awhile longer.

Continue to believe in me
And in my dreams,
And then my success
Will become our success.
All that is mine will be yours
For the asking, because
You loved me, forgave me,
And accepted me for what I am.

Because you saw what I couldn't,
And were my eyes;
Felt what my heart could not feel
Because you were my heart,
Because you love those I love,
As they love you, and mostly
Because you deserve far more
Than life has given you.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

 The fact that my Johnny is on hospice drastically changes the way we will do things  this Thanksgiving. I miss being able to do things the way we once did, but am thankful, so very thankful, that my sweet husband, and best friend, is still with us.
    
I am thankful for today's breath of life, for the love and support of family and friends; for the food on our table, the roof over our heads, the heater that keeps us warm on cold days.
   
I  am thankful for God's night-lights, that let  me know He is always home, should I need Him; thankful too, that I have time alone, so that I can meditate, and better hear that which God may wish to teach me.

  
I am grateful to our troops, who sacrifice so much to keep us safe. Let us not forget to include them as we say grace. Let us not forget all that they do without, mostly their own families. They must get so lonely at times. Let us pray that soon, all of them will be home.

My wish for each of you is that the memories of this Thanksgiving, will be one that stands out among the rest.


Again, Happy Thanksgiving,
Love you much,

Barb


 

LOOKING FOWARD

Isn't it odd, the wonder of trials?  Expressed this way it does not seem to make sense, but to me it does. My worst, most painful trials revealed to me that I am much stronger than I believed myself to be. These particular trials helped me learn patience, strengthened my faith, renewed my courage, and drew me even closer to the Lord.
     I was thinking, only yesterday, of  how wondrous a thing faith is; that if kept in steady motion, every day, how much more content a man could be.We think, during the darkest moments of our lives, that nothing will ever be the same again; that nobody seems to care; that even if we get through this trial, another one will take its place.We think these things because that's what we tell ourselves, and what we tell ourselves, we believe.
     My husband being on hospice, is probably one of the most difficult things I've had to endure. It has turned our world upside down, blown such a hole in our comfort zone that for a while, we were scrambling for something to hold onto. We felt like leaves in a storm. It was horrible. Still is! The difference I think, is ACCEPTANCE. 
      When my Johnny first told me "The doctor says he's done all he can do honey. Hospice is next." I instantly went into denial. This couldn't be happening. Not to my Johnny, the love of my life- my best friend. I resisted it, unfortunately, for a week or so. And my resisting made it worse.  I didn't get back on track until I went to the Lord for help. He gave me  Bible verses that I've been leaning on ever since. These verses have removed every WHY question I've ever had- or that comes up.

 What are the Bible verses?  Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

 (1) To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the
         heaven:
(2) A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up
       that which is planted;
(3) A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build
       up;
(4) A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
(5) A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to
        embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
(6) A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
(7) A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to
       speak;
(8) A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
These Bible verses  lightened my burden by explaining WHY the painful, sad, depressing, horrific things happen in life. They happen for a reason. They reminded me of something I'd forgotten; that life runs on opposites: A baby is born- a baby dies; a man gets a job- a man loses a job; a couple gets married- a couple divorces; a family buys a home- a family loses their home.
   Understanding how things work simplified my life.
   
Romans 8:28 says
    
" And we know that all things work together for good....."

Many of us know the above verse, but when a really heavy, painful, trial comes, we lose our footing. We're so focused on the pain, the sadness, the enormity of our situation, that we totally forget the one word in Romans 8:28, that makes the difference. The heart of the verse is the word ALL.
    This means, using myself for example, that even though I am overwhelmed at the trial I'm facing, feel intimidated by it, feel fearful at times, and uncertain, I can remind myself, during my devotions, or when hurting the most, that ALL things are working in my behalf; not just part. I don't have to understand it. I just have to believe what the scriptures say.  God has more than proven himself to us. We have no reason to doubt, no matter what happens.
     I wish to testify of God's greatness; of His mercy,His compassion and understanding. I wish to share my love for Him, my appreciation for the greatness of His heart, for His continued giving of HIS strength, so that I am able to bear all things.
    May all who read this post experience the warmth and depth of His love, the honor of His presence, and the tightness of His embrace.

MIND TALK

Mind talk: The silent coversations we continually have with ourselves.

Our coversations may be silent but our minds, working like a computer, keep track of every word, sentence, comma, dot, and paragraph. Why is this the subject of my post? It's because I've come to realize what a huge impact these conversations have on us.They determine, to a large degree, what kind of a day we'll have; whether we'll be happy or depressed, hopeful or fearful. They determine how we feel about ourselves too, and are often, if not always, the reason our lives become tangled balls of string.


What are your silent conversations like? Do you tell yourself things like:
"I can never stop smoking." "I'll never get over this loss." I'll never be able to forgive

myself." "I'll never lose this weight." "Nothing will ever change. I'll be poor forever."
OR...how about these:
"I can't ever do anything right." "I'll never amount to anything."
"My husband/wife is going to leave me. I just know it."
"I'll die alone."  "Nobody really cares what happens to me"
"What if we lose everything?" "What if God won't forgive me?"
"What if  I get cancer?" "What if I really can't change?"

It took me a long time to recognize how destructive these silent conversations can be, especially, if what we're telling ourselves is a distortion of logic. Read the words above, then slowly, say them out loud. It's easy to see, isn't it, how repeatedly saying things like this to ourselves, can drastically change the quality of our lives?

 A friend, having discussed this with me, not  long ago, asked me how one goes about stopping these conversations.  I told her we're always talking to ourselves in this manner, so I don't know that it is something we could stop, really. But now that I think about it, I probably should have told her that we can't stop the conversations, but can change the thoughts we put into our head, those negative, destructive thoughts that keep us from having inner peace, keep us from feeling good about our lives, our relationships, ourselves.
    
The saying "There is power in knowledge." is really true. When I was able to understand  (and remember), that we believe what we tell ourselves and become what we believe ourselves to be, I was able to change those mental conversations, which was really an awesome thing. It took a little practice, but was well worth the effort. It changed my life.

It takes but  a few minutes to think about what we're telling ourselves, only a few minutes to ask "Is what I'm saying to myself a true statement, or a distortion of that truth?"
   For instance, I used to tell myself "Nothing is ever going to be better. My life is always going to be what it is now." WOW! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to blow a hole into that one, does it. The truth is,  I was lying to myself. A man's life will be as good, or as bad,  as the choices he makes. It took me awhile to figure that one out.


Well, I guess I lived up to my nickname (WIndy), this morning, didn't I? I'd apologize, guys & dolls, but I kind of think you'll let me pass on this one.

Hope your corner of the world is as beautiful and serene as mine is, at least for now. We had a storm pass through last night, just caught the edge of it. There was a lot of really loud thunder and an awesome lightning display. Summer storms kind of wash away the grit in the world, washes it off of trees, grass, mountains and anything else the rain touches. Sure does leave the world smelling good- and looking brand new.
   Our summer has been rather mild so we're all thinking we're going to have a bad winter. Hope not! Last year our power went out and it was COLD! My husband and I wound up driving to Medford, to my sister's house- stayed with her till the power came back on.

LAST WORDS

Nothing is forever except God, so don't waste the moments given, that daily gift of breath. We take our lives for granted, too often forgetting that it is but a wisp of smoke, here-then gone.

Create beautiful memories today. Take a few minutes to really look at your loved ones, really listen to the sound of their voice, their laughter. Hold them a few seconds longer when you hug them ,and never forget to say "I love you."



THANKS FOR VISITING

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY J-LAND

Memories...so many of them. When Guido suggested us doing this the first thought that crossed my mind was "Oh, I wish I hadn't lost my "Hey Let's Talk." blog, but I did, so can't post anything from there. But that's okay. What matters to me is that the  people who entered my life so many years ago are still walking across the corridors of my mind, still making me smile, still encouraging me, still making me feel special and loved, still reminding me how very rich I am for having such awesome friends.
   You all know how windy I am. Heck, I'm the one who gave myself that nickname.lol
It would be so easy to post a long entry right now but things are a bit tough in my life at the moment. My sweet Johnny's health is going downhill rapidly. All the doctors can do now is make him as comfortable as possible. This is a good example of what I meant about friends. Some of you are following my "My Johnny" blog. Those who aren't have been keeping in touch, lifting my spirits. I want to thank you for staying in touch. As Rose said, who would have guessed that starting a blog would have created such a special family, and that's what each of you are to me.
   Have an awesome day. Remember that life is short so create a beautiful memory.
Thanks, Guido. Love you.

This is a requested former post from 2009

This is a requested former post from 2009

Hope your morning started as wonderfully as mine did. It wasn't sunny, and I didn't win the lottery. But I woke, for some reason, greatly appreciating my life and all it contains. Whenever I experience this, which is quite often, I find myself taking a memory walk, wanting to reconnect with  people who inspired me, encouraged me, lifted my spirits, taught me something, or made me feel loved and special

(people whose belief in me enabled me to believe in myself).
     I shared Gingerbread and hot chocolate with my Mother, my heart filling with admiration as she shared her life experiences, speaking softly, as always she did, about how love can go wrong, how important it is to remember that people are more important than things, and that doing our best is always good enough. Our last conversation left me with words that literally changed my life.
     "If you can be honest with yourself," she said, "about yourself, you'll find the quality of your relationships will improve. Why? Because when you look at another mans faults you're now able to see your own."
   She has been gone for many years now, but sometimes, like today, it's as though she never left.

The second person I visited on my walk was my father. As in all families, and within each relationship, not all is perfect. It was so with us. But I've never focused on the hurting memories. Better it is, I discovered long ago, to focus upon the good in life, as well as in people. This being so, I revisited Sequoia National Park; ate cold watermelon as I observed my father, who stood leaning against a Redwood tree, gazing upwards while sipping a beer, looking happier than I'd ever seen him.
   "Nothing could be better than this," he said, smiling at me.
     I've never forgotten that moment or the sights, sounds and smells of it. My father taught me many things (though not by example). The  most important?
1- Never take life or people for granted.
2- Learn to control your emotions - don't allow them to control you.
3- Everybody deserves a second chance.

Next to visit was Tommy, the first love of my life . I rode his maroon bicycle again, danced with him, went horseback riding, and felt his strength when he held me for the last time. "It's okay, Princess." he whispered, while brushing away my tears. "Don't worry. I'll be back.   He didn't come back, but what I learned from him kept me strong, has helped me through many a storm. He was unique, had the heart of a poet, was so tall in my eyes. He taught me, by example, the true meaning of loyalty, friendship and  integrity; taught me that I'm stronger than I believe myself to be, and able to do whatever I set my mind too.
    I chatted with Pastor Joe, who introduced me to Jesus Christ, enabled me to experience somebody actually living what God says love is.
    I spoke with former friends, spent an hour  sitting on an old tire swing, then revisited the treehouse Tommy built for me. "For when life's too heavy." he said.
Oh, but I loved that treehouse; spent so many hours there doing nothing but think about life: about how unfair it was, the way it  put heaven in your hands only to snatch it from you when you least expected it, how hard it was to understand parents sometimes, and myself; how noisy the world was- how  difficult to find a quiet place. I thought about the present day, wondered  what tomorrow would bring(if it would leave my life as it was, or change it into something I would hate). Mostly, though, I would think about Tommy ( wishing, praying, hoping, as his dad did, that we'd be together always).

But life goes its own way, dragging us right along with it, whether we wish to go or not. And the years pass, each one confronting us with truths we weren't quite ready to face like:  waking up one day, realizing that not only has youth left us, but we are no longer in the middle-age bracket either. It takes longer now, to do those things we once did so quickly. And we're  not always comfortable with the stranger in the mirror, nor with our bodies, which far too often seem to betray us.
   But  we are always going through some kind of transition, whether big or small.
And not all changes are bad. Like many of you I am facing difficult things: two sisters, both with serious health issues (diabetes complications and cancer), a daughter who is going to lose her home, a son whose marriage is failing, a sister with Parkinsons, whose husband's heart is bad, a brother -in-law whose heart is bad too, a son who has removed himself from family, and the list goes on.
   So many hurting people in the world, but even so...we are all blessed. Every one of us. As I so often say, Be brave, Have courage. Every trial comes to its own end. And remember that it isn't who we are, but WHOSE we are.

I wish you all good things: love, hope, joy, laughter and peace.
Talk to you soon.

Love you much.

Just Thinking

Life is strange. You never know if it's going to put something wonderful into your life- or take something out of it. It can keep you full of excitement, or fill your moments with fear. It can be an easy ride, as pleasant as spending an afternoon in a canoe, or a ride that terrifies you; so much so that you pray for death to take you. And somewhere in the middle is love, which is the most awesome thing. Love can bring the strongest man to his knees, can tear down any wall, and can break a heart faster than the sun can melt ice.

A man sometimes has empty spots within him- is oftentimes unaware of it until he comes around a bend in the road and meets love face-to-face. That can scare a man, especially if that man believes himself to be full.  When that man meets love, he finds  himself slowing down, thinking before speaking or doing; finds himself putting himself in other people's shoes- not rushing into anything.  He tries hard to live up to what God says love is. My sweet Johnny did this, and I so love him for it.

Well, these are just a few of the thoughts that were, and still are, floating around in my head. I am going through a pretty rough time at the moment, having to experience, in my opinion, the worst moment of a man's life, which is to lose somebody they love. Another goodbye is just ahead, a final one. Guess the thought of it evoked billions of memories, memories that will carry me through the worst of my days- the worst of my nights.
     I find myself walking backwards these days, stopping so often, probably way too often, at the places that meant the most to me. You know the kind, those experiences that so pleasured you that you wanted to freeze them so as to keep them forever. What if we had no memory? I thought of that yesterday, while reading some earlier love notes my Johnny had written me. I came across photos of  the truck that took us all across the United States, photos of the places we lived, and the place I was  working at when he walked through the door and stole my heart. Memories are precious things, fragments of our lives, the gold thread that ties everything together.

A friend of mine said to me, not long ago. "Barb, life stinks! No matter how hard I try, not one thing changes. Nothing! I don't know how you stay on top of things, how you somehow manage to remain cheerful instead of becoming bitter and resentful."
    My reply to her was "I manage by reminding myself to not lose the wonder I had as a child, to not get so caught up in what's going bad that I overlook all that is going good." 
   I learned that valuable lesson while talking to an elderly gentlemen in a Bible store, many years ago. I had a lot on my mind that day, was going through a horrible time in my life...the very worst ( at least it felt like it back then). This small book store had a few chairs placed here and there so one could sit if need be. As much as I wanted to purchase a new book I found I could not focus enough. My mind was on what was hurting me so much, what was causing so many problems in my life. I sat down, got up, walked about, sat down then got up again. I'd pick a book up, then, being unable, or unwilling to check it out, just wandered about the store. Finally, having a difficult time with my depression I sat down on a chair near the front of the store, one near the window. I gazed out at the world, sadness eating at my heart.

    An elderly gentleman stopped by the chair, said, "You're not having a good day, are you dear?" There was such kindness in his voice that I answered him. "No. Not really."
    "Know what would help?" he asked. I shook my head no, forcing tears back.
   "What would help you, my child." he said, kindly, "is an hour a day to yourself."When I didn't respond to what he said he continued." I don't mean an hour spent doing something. I mean an hour spent doing nothing."
    "How would doing nothing help me?" I asked, his comment not making much sense to me.
    "It helps because doing nothing quiets your spirit, and if you will spend the hour as I suggest you'll be quite surprised at how much better you will feel. "
    "How must I spend it? What must I do?"
    "You find a quiet place, outside if possible. Sit in a comfortable place, near your garden, on your porch, in a favorite chair or porch swing, if you have one. Sit and do nothing for that hour except tune in to your senses. Listen to the sound the leaves make as the breeze walks through the trees. Listen to the birds, the cars passing by, the neighbors chattering. Look around you- at the color of the sky, the shape of buildings, the color of the flowers, grass, the clothes you wear. Feel the chair beneath you, the texture of your skirt, how your feet feel in your shoes. Take some deep breaths. Make note of what you smell: Flowers, growing grass, somebody frying bacon, the perfume you are wearing. My dear, spending an hour this way enables you to truly relax. It teaches you the wisdom of letting go of your worries and fears, reminds you that no matter how hard and fast paced life is, you can rise above things. I discovered this by accident- became very ill and was forced to do nothing. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Do try this, my dear. I guarantee that it will help you. You'll be surprised how much."

    That conversation was such a long time ago, but I've not forgotten the man or what he taught me. It changed my life, which is why I am writing about it today, sharing it, truly hoping those of you who are going through rough times will try this. Try it even if things are not so bad. An hour spent THIS way is  life-changing.
  
Well, I have things to do, chores that have to be done. Whether your day is a good one - or a bad one, look for the sunniest, shiniest, brightest moments in your day. Create new memories every chance you get. And remember the value of being as gentle- as kind to yourselves as you are to others.

My prayer for you today, is that the Lord's peace is ever with you; that you know that fear only has as much power as we give it, and that every trial, no matter how painful or sad, does eventually, come to its own end.
And for all the love, friendship and support you all give me,

Small Boy- Huge Blessing

I'd been sitting at the computer for several hours, updating journals and answering mail, when I got an email from a friend. She asked me to pray for a little boy who has cancer." He's just five years old." she wrote," and his Grandmother is very worried about him."
   
I wrote her back, asking  her to send me the Grandmother's email address. As soon as I received it, I wrote the grandmother, asking her to tell me about her grandson. The letter she wrote me was long and quite sad. Her love for her grandson was so great that the very thought of losing him was making her ill. "I can't sleep," she wrote, "and can't keep food down much either. I cry all the time. My precious Marco (her grandson) is my heart. He has been in and out of the hospital, Barb, since he was three and a half. The cancer went away but came back again, six months ago. The chemo is not helping much. He is wasting away, is nothing but skin and bones. "
 
  I asked about Marco's parents. She wrote "His father cries almost as much as I do. His mother is like a zombie, just walks around the house, doing things that need to be done, then sits down and stares into space. And Marco's little brother, who is three, keeps begging to see Marco. But Marco won't see him. He gets hysterical if asked to see his brother. He says "I'm ugly now, with no hair. I don't want my brother to see me."so the parents don't make him. They try to keep him calm as they can.

"Barb ( the letter continued). "This  is so hard. What will I do if my sweet Marco dies?  I don't know what to do to help him. He looks like a little old man; never smiles any more, doesn't talk much, just gets more depressed."
  
Sleep became rather elusive once I began writing Marco's grandmother. I kept thinking of this small child, so loved, who was dying a little every day. I prayed about it; asked God to bless Marco and his family, and to help me find a way to lift their spirits. He did.
 
I  bought two big bottles of Bubbles, 1 smaller bottle of Bubbles, and six fancy Bubble wands. I also purchased a miniature Bambi.  Angels must have delivered Marco's present, because it seemed I barely sent it, when I got a thank you letter from his Grandmother.
 
"Dear Barb. I can't thank you enough. I wish you could have been here when my sweet Marco opened the gift you sent. He is very weak, and the medicine he's taking makes him  very sleepy at times too, so when he got the present unwrapped, it took him a few minutes to realize what he was looking at. He was too weak to open the bottle of bubbles, so I did. I dipped a wand into the bottle, then waved it back and forth. Bubbles were everywhere, BIG ones as well as little ones. Marco's smile, Barb, lit up the room. He said,"Let me try, Grandma." I held the bottle, while he dipped the wand. When he waved it back and forth and saw the bubbles, he laughed, Barb...for the first time in many months. And not only that, he said, "Go get Anthony (his little brother)
so he can blow bubbles too. And the sweet Bambi, Barb, he plays with it all day, and at night, when he goes to sleep, he places Bambi on his pillow. "

A small gift, bubbles, but what huge blessings came out of that gift. Marco's grandmother tells me that Marco never runs out of Bubbles. It has become his favorite thing. This happened three years ago. Marco is now eight, has thick, curly hair and runs and plays like any other eight-year old boy.
   
And Bubbles? I keep many bottles on hand. I take some with me when I go anywhere; hand them out to kids, to people sitting alone on a bench, to family members, to neighbors, to anybody who crosses my path. Sometimes I sit on our patio, and blow bubbles. Try it. Silly as it sounds, you just may surprise yourself- just may enjoy being a kid again.

Why not purchase a few bottles of Bubbles for yourself. Keep them on hand- haul them out when

you are lonely, feeling a little blue, or just wanting to lower your stress level. Hand them out to strangers. It's  amazing how such a small thing as blowing bubbles can lift one's spirits.

 

First Impressions Are Not Always Right

People matter to me, so I go out of my way to understand them; to learn what makes them happy, angry, sad, disappointed, hopeful, depressed, or fearful. I try to learn what makes them feel good about themselves, hate themselves, get to the point that they want to give up. I like to know why some people are so successful, while others struggle just to make ends meet; like to know why some individuals have dreams and set goals, while others set no goals, don't even have a dream.
 
What I know about people, including myself, is that their inside seldom matches their outside. It is wise to look behind angry words. An angry person is usually a hurting person.

A smile doesn't always mean a person is happy, and tears don't always mean a person is sad. People who don't cry are oftentimes seen as cold, but  often it's simply their way of keeping strong. It happens sometimes, that if you've cried openly, shared that deep sorrow, and got put down for it, were criticized and ridiculed, you no longer cry; or if you do, it is when you are alone. As well, many hurting people are afraid to let themselves cry; believing that once they start they might not be able to stop. I have felt like that many times.
  
We all influence somebody, every moment of our lives, but just don't realize it. We're influenced by another person's confidence, their strong faith, their talent, perhaps just their ability to express themselves. We're influenced by those who climbed to the top, when others failed to believe they'd be able too.
 
People wear masks; pretending to be happy, when they aren't, pretending to be alright, when inside, they are falling apart. They pretend to be satisfied with their looks, but in reality hate themselves, always wishing they were different.

People pretend to be strong because others tell keep telling them how strong they are. It never occured to them to just be honest and say."Look, I"m not feeling so strong today. I am really afraid, or insecure, or feeling lost and misplaced, or worse, losing the desire to live. Could you stay with me for a little while, or call me?"


People have become cautious, find it difficult to trust. Our world has become such a dangerous place that  many have chosen to make a fortress out of their home, becoming increasingly fearful to venture out of it. Their comfort zones have shrunk.
Where once they covered a huge amount of space- it now covers  very little, usually only includes a trip from home to the store, to a relatives house, a doctor maybe, and to church. Some people are even afraid to enjoy their front yards. It is wise to be cautious, but a mistake, I believe, to let those who are evil have such control over our lives. Bad things happen to good people sometimes. It hurts, but it's true, But  in the  end, I know that everything will one day be made right.

I can say this because man is not in control. God still is.

For prayers, encouraging words, good wishes, and the unexpected cards and letters.