MIND TALK

Mind talk: The silent coversations we continually have with ourselves.

Our coversations may be silent but our minds, working like a computer, keep track of every word, sentence, comma, dot, and paragraph. Why is this the subject of my post? It's because I've come to realize what a huge impact these conversations have on us.They determine, to a large degree, what kind of a day we'll have; whether we'll be happy or depressed, hopeful or fearful. They determine how we feel about ourselves too, and are often, if not always, the reason our lives become tangled balls of string.


What are your silent conversations like? Do you tell yourself things like:
"I can never stop smoking." "I'll never get over this loss." I'll never be able to forgive

myself." "I'll never lose this weight." "Nothing will ever change. I'll be poor forever."
OR...how about these:
"I can't ever do anything right." "I'll never amount to anything."
"My husband/wife is going to leave me. I just know it."
"I'll die alone."  "Nobody really cares what happens to me"
"What if we lose everything?" "What if God won't forgive me?"
"What if  I get cancer?" "What if I really can't change?"

It took me a long time to recognize how destructive these silent conversations can be, especially, if what we're telling ourselves is a distortion of logic. Read the words above, then slowly, say them out loud. It's easy to see, isn't it, how repeatedly saying things like this to ourselves, can drastically change the quality of our lives?

 A friend, having discussed this with me, not  long ago, asked me how one goes about stopping these conversations.  I told her we're always talking to ourselves in this manner, so I don't know that it is something we could stop, really. But now that I think about it, I probably should have told her that we can't stop the conversations, but can change the thoughts we put into our head, those negative, destructive thoughts that keep us from having inner peace, keep us from feeling good about our lives, our relationships, ourselves.
    
The saying "There is power in knowledge." is really true. When I was able to understand  (and remember), that we believe what we tell ourselves and become what we believe ourselves to be, I was able to change those mental conversations, which was really an awesome thing. It took a little practice, but was well worth the effort. It changed my life.

It takes but  a few minutes to think about what we're telling ourselves, only a few minutes to ask "Is what I'm saying to myself a true statement, or a distortion of that truth?"
   For instance, I used to tell myself "Nothing is ever going to be better. My life is always going to be what it is now." WOW! It doesn't take a rocket scientist to blow a hole into that one, does it. The truth is,  I was lying to myself. A man's life will be as good, or as bad,  as the choices he makes. It took me awhile to figure that one out.


Well, I guess I lived up to my nickname (WIndy), this morning, didn't I? I'd apologize, guys & dolls, but I kind of think you'll let me pass on this one.

Hope your corner of the world is as beautiful and serene as mine is, at least for now. We had a storm pass through last night, just caught the edge of it. There was a lot of really loud thunder and an awesome lightning display. Summer storms kind of wash away the grit in the world, washes it off of trees, grass, mountains and anything else the rain touches. Sure does leave the world smelling good- and looking brand new.
   Our summer has been rather mild so we're all thinking we're going to have a bad winter. Hope not! Last year our power went out and it was COLD! My husband and I wound up driving to Medford, to my sister's house- stayed with her till the power came back on.

LAST WORDS

Nothing is forever except God, so don't waste the moments given, that daily gift of breath. We take our lives for granted, too often forgetting that it is but a wisp of smoke, here-then gone.

Create beautiful memories today. Take a few minutes to really look at your loved ones, really listen to the sound of their voice, their laughter. Hold them a few seconds longer when you hug them ,and never forget to say "I love you."



THANKS FOR VISITING

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY J-LAND

Memories...so many of them. When Guido suggested us doing this the first thought that crossed my mind was "Oh, I wish I hadn't lost my "Hey Let's Talk." blog, but I did, so can't post anything from there. But that's okay. What matters to me is that the  people who entered my life so many years ago are still walking across the corridors of my mind, still making me smile, still encouraging me, still making me feel special and loved, still reminding me how very rich I am for having such awesome friends.
   You all know how windy I am. Heck, I'm the one who gave myself that nickname.lol
It would be so easy to post a long entry right now but things are a bit tough in my life at the moment. My sweet Johnny's health is going downhill rapidly. All the doctors can do now is make him as comfortable as possible. This is a good example of what I meant about friends. Some of you are following my "My Johnny" blog. Those who aren't have been keeping in touch, lifting my spirits. I want to thank you for staying in touch. As Rose said, who would have guessed that starting a blog would have created such a special family, and that's what each of you are to me.
   Have an awesome day. Remember that life is short so create a beautiful memory.
Thanks, Guido. Love you.

This is a requested former post from 2009

This is a requested former post from 2009

Hope your morning started as wonderfully as mine did. It wasn't sunny, and I didn't win the lottery. But I woke, for some reason, greatly appreciating my life and all it contains. Whenever I experience this, which is quite often, I find myself taking a memory walk, wanting to reconnect with  people who inspired me, encouraged me, lifted my spirits, taught me something, or made me feel loved and special

(people whose belief in me enabled me to believe in myself).
     I shared Gingerbread and hot chocolate with my Mother, my heart filling with admiration as she shared her life experiences, speaking softly, as always she did, about how love can go wrong, how important it is to remember that people are more important than things, and that doing our best is always good enough. Our last conversation left me with words that literally changed my life.
     "If you can be honest with yourself," she said, "about yourself, you'll find the quality of your relationships will improve. Why? Because when you look at another mans faults you're now able to see your own."
   She has been gone for many years now, but sometimes, like today, it's as though she never left.

The second person I visited on my walk was my father. As in all families, and within each relationship, not all is perfect. It was so with us. But I've never focused on the hurting memories. Better it is, I discovered long ago, to focus upon the good in life, as well as in people. This being so, I revisited Sequoia National Park; ate cold watermelon as I observed my father, who stood leaning against a Redwood tree, gazing upwards while sipping a beer, looking happier than I'd ever seen him.
   "Nothing could be better than this," he said, smiling at me.
     I've never forgotten that moment or the sights, sounds and smells of it. My father taught me many things (though not by example). The  most important?
1- Never take life or people for granted.
2- Learn to control your emotions - don't allow them to control you.
3- Everybody deserves a second chance.

Next to visit was Tommy, the first love of my life . I rode his maroon bicycle again, danced with him, went horseback riding, and felt his strength when he held me for the last time. "It's okay, Princess." he whispered, while brushing away my tears. "Don't worry. I'll be back.   He didn't come back, but what I learned from him kept me strong, has helped me through many a storm. He was unique, had the heart of a poet, was so tall in my eyes. He taught me, by example, the true meaning of loyalty, friendship and  integrity; taught me that I'm stronger than I believe myself to be, and able to do whatever I set my mind too.
    I chatted with Pastor Joe, who introduced me to Jesus Christ, enabled me to experience somebody actually living what God says love is.
    I spoke with former friends, spent an hour  sitting on an old tire swing, then revisited the treehouse Tommy built for me. "For when life's too heavy." he said.
Oh, but I loved that treehouse; spent so many hours there doing nothing but think about life: about how unfair it was, the way it  put heaven in your hands only to snatch it from you when you least expected it, how hard it was to understand parents sometimes, and myself; how noisy the world was- how  difficult to find a quiet place. I thought about the present day, wondered  what tomorrow would bring(if it would leave my life as it was, or change it into something I would hate). Mostly, though, I would think about Tommy ( wishing, praying, hoping, as his dad did, that we'd be together always).

But life goes its own way, dragging us right along with it, whether we wish to go or not. And the years pass, each one confronting us with truths we weren't quite ready to face like:  waking up one day, realizing that not only has youth left us, but we are no longer in the middle-age bracket either. It takes longer now, to do those things we once did so quickly. And we're  not always comfortable with the stranger in the mirror, nor with our bodies, which far too often seem to betray us.
   But  we are always going through some kind of transition, whether big or small.
And not all changes are bad. Like many of you I am facing difficult things: two sisters, both with serious health issues (diabetes complications and cancer), a daughter who is going to lose her home, a son whose marriage is failing, a sister with Parkinsons, whose husband's heart is bad, a brother -in-law whose heart is bad too, a son who has removed himself from family, and the list goes on.
   So many hurting people in the world, but even so...we are all blessed. Every one of us. As I so often say, Be brave, Have courage. Every trial comes to its own end. And remember that it isn't who we are, but WHOSE we are.

I wish you all good things: love, hope, joy, laughter and peace.
Talk to you soon.

Love you much.

Just Thinking

Life is strange. You never know if it's going to put something wonderful into your life- or take something out of it. It can keep you full of excitement, or fill your moments with fear. It can be an easy ride, as pleasant as spending an afternoon in a canoe, or a ride that terrifies you; so much so that you pray for death to take you. And somewhere in the middle is love, which is the most awesome thing. Love can bring the strongest man to his knees, can tear down any wall, and can break a heart faster than the sun can melt ice.

A man sometimes has empty spots within him- is oftentimes unaware of it until he comes around a bend in the road and meets love face-to-face. That can scare a man, especially if that man believes himself to be full.  When that man meets love, he finds  himself slowing down, thinking before speaking or doing; finds himself putting himself in other people's shoes- not rushing into anything.  He tries hard to live up to what God says love is. My sweet Johnny did this, and I so love him for it.

Well, these are just a few of the thoughts that were, and still are, floating around in my head. I am going through a pretty rough time at the moment, having to experience, in my opinion, the worst moment of a man's life, which is to lose somebody they love. Another goodbye is just ahead, a final one. Guess the thought of it evoked billions of memories, memories that will carry me through the worst of my days- the worst of my nights.
     I find myself walking backwards these days, stopping so often, probably way too often, at the places that meant the most to me. You know the kind, those experiences that so pleasured you that you wanted to freeze them so as to keep them forever. What if we had no memory? I thought of that yesterday, while reading some earlier love notes my Johnny had written me. I came across photos of  the truck that took us all across the United States, photos of the places we lived, and the place I was  working at when he walked through the door and stole my heart. Memories are precious things, fragments of our lives, the gold thread that ties everything together.

A friend of mine said to me, not long ago. "Barb, life stinks! No matter how hard I try, not one thing changes. Nothing! I don't know how you stay on top of things, how you somehow manage to remain cheerful instead of becoming bitter and resentful."
    My reply to her was "I manage by reminding myself to not lose the wonder I had as a child, to not get so caught up in what's going bad that I overlook all that is going good." 
   I learned that valuable lesson while talking to an elderly gentlemen in a Bible store, many years ago. I had a lot on my mind that day, was going through a horrible time in my life...the very worst ( at least it felt like it back then). This small book store had a few chairs placed here and there so one could sit if need be. As much as I wanted to purchase a new book I found I could not focus enough. My mind was on what was hurting me so much, what was causing so many problems in my life. I sat down, got up, walked about, sat down then got up again. I'd pick a book up, then, being unable, or unwilling to check it out, just wandered about the store. Finally, having a difficult time with my depression I sat down on a chair near the front of the store, one near the window. I gazed out at the world, sadness eating at my heart.

    An elderly gentleman stopped by the chair, said, "You're not having a good day, are you dear?" There was such kindness in his voice that I answered him. "No. Not really."
    "Know what would help?" he asked. I shook my head no, forcing tears back.
   "What would help you, my child." he said, kindly, "is an hour a day to yourself."When I didn't respond to what he said he continued." I don't mean an hour spent doing something. I mean an hour spent doing nothing."
    "How would doing nothing help me?" I asked, his comment not making much sense to me.
    "It helps because doing nothing quiets your spirit, and if you will spend the hour as I suggest you'll be quite surprised at how much better you will feel. "
    "How must I spend it? What must I do?"
    "You find a quiet place, outside if possible. Sit in a comfortable place, near your garden, on your porch, in a favorite chair or porch swing, if you have one. Sit and do nothing for that hour except tune in to your senses. Listen to the sound the leaves make as the breeze walks through the trees. Listen to the birds, the cars passing by, the neighbors chattering. Look around you- at the color of the sky, the shape of buildings, the color of the flowers, grass, the clothes you wear. Feel the chair beneath you, the texture of your skirt, how your feet feel in your shoes. Take some deep breaths. Make note of what you smell: Flowers, growing grass, somebody frying bacon, the perfume you are wearing. My dear, spending an hour this way enables you to truly relax. It teaches you the wisdom of letting go of your worries and fears, reminds you that no matter how hard and fast paced life is, you can rise above things. I discovered this by accident- became very ill and was forced to do nothing. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Do try this, my dear. I guarantee that it will help you. You'll be surprised how much."

    That conversation was such a long time ago, but I've not forgotten the man or what he taught me. It changed my life, which is why I am writing about it today, sharing it, truly hoping those of you who are going through rough times will try this. Try it even if things are not so bad. An hour spent THIS way is  life-changing.
  
Well, I have things to do, chores that have to be done. Whether your day is a good one - or a bad one, look for the sunniest, shiniest, brightest moments in your day. Create new memories every chance you get. And remember the value of being as gentle- as kind to yourselves as you are to others.

My prayer for you today, is that the Lord's peace is ever with you; that you know that fear only has as much power as we give it, and that every trial, no matter how painful or sad, does eventually, come to its own end.
And for all the love, friendship and support you all give me,