TEARS AND SMILES

 I meant to post this sooner but you know how it goes- life happens. Each time I determined to post this something else came up. It took awhile, but I finally got everything else taken care of so am taking time to chat with you.
     This entry is in response to all the emails I've received asking how Johnny is doing.  I hope that it lifts your spirits as much as sharing it lifts mine.

As most of you know, we've informed our family as to Johnny's condition so family members have been arranging their schedules in order to come see him. Our son, Mark was here a couple of weeks ago and Monday, two of his daughters came to see us. Oh, I wish you could have seen Johnny's face light up when the girls walked in. We've not seen them in, well, probably close to eight or nine years. Seeing them after all this time brought tears to our eyes. These two grand daughters grew up hanging out at our house. We have missed them a lot. Ever since Johnny got on hospice all he has talked about was how much he'd love to see everybody. He and I, especially the past month, have taken so many memory walks that for a short time we forgot where we really were, how close that final goodbye is.
     Our granddaughters brought me flowers, filled up our refrigerator with foods they thought we'd enjoy,  then cooked a special Mexican dinner because  they know that is their grandpa's favorite. He loved it- ate more than he usually does. Oh, my dear friends, this visit tired him so very much, but filled his heart too.
   In between catching up on everything they took all kinds of pictures, pics of Johnny and me, our son Christopher and his little girl Jennifer , pics of themselves with all of us too.
    Crying a bit as I type this out. It's kind of hard not to, loving Johnny as I do. This morning he is extremely tired, finding it difficult to stay awake so will no doubt sleep a lot. Before the end of the month these two granddaughters will be back, but this time will bring husbands and children. They'll rent a motel and take turns visiting us, just two or three at a time.
   I'm sure  by reading this update you can pretty much see just where Johnny and I are on our journey, more towards the end than the middle, but we are doing okay. We, our sons, and granddaughters cried a lot, but also laughed a lot while remembering former Christmas's Thanksgiving, birthdays, and summer time at our house.
    "We did good." Johnny said, last night, just after the girls left to return home. "We did." I said, and hugged him as tightly as I dared without hurting him. "But it's tiring you, even more than I thought it would." 

    "It is, Barb, but I wouldn't want it any other way."

Nor would I, dear reader. Life is all about tears and smiles; can't have one without the other. It just doesn't work that way. I've cried more this month than I have in a year and know it isn't the end of my tears, but more like the beginning. Still, as Johnny said, "I'd not have it any other way.
    Our life is filled with "Shiny" moments, and sometimes, even those awesome "Shiny"moments bring tears, just like these past two days did, but as I said, they go together, tears and smiles.
   Even tears shed during the darkest moments of our life are healing. They empty out the sadness within. They really do, and if we wait long enough- are patient enough, the sun will find our hiding place and enable us to smile again.

Thank you so much for all the emails, cards, letters and phone calls. I share every one with Johnny and every time I do he says," Baby, knowing you have such great friends in your corner, in our corner, takes a load off my mind. I know when i am gone you won't be by yourself. You'll have the Lord, yes, but people too, who really care for you and will be there for you. That means the world to me."   It means the world to me too. We both want you to know that .

Take care of yourselves. If you're having a hard day, remind yourself that every trial, every single one, comes to its own end. If you're having a great day, remember those who may not be, and do something nice for them.


Love you much,