I can't believe how long it has been since I have posted. So sorry about that.
Do I have a reason for not posting? Not really, just excuses mostly: too hot,
too busy, too much on my plate, etc. The truth is, I just felt the need to be
lazy for awhile; to do nothing except the things I've felt like doing, things I
never did because of lack of money, or lack of time.
Sometimes, it was simply that doing something for myself always made me
feel bad, as if I was being selfish. I bet some of you felt like that at least
once in your lifetime, usually when your kids were growing up.
I was a single Mom till I met my Johnny, so to spend money on myself,
well, it just wasn't something I felt I could do. Not really; not when a child's
shoes just wore out, or when one of my kids needed something for school.
It took me a long time to get past that feeling guilty thing. It was well
worth the struggle.
This week I bought myself books I'd wanted to read, writing tablets, pens,
and checked out house plants. I so miss being able to work in the yard.
No matter where I lived I always had flower gardens. But now, with my
pain level being so high, and the problems I have with my legs,
and back- hands too, I have to settle for indoor plants, which is okay.
They really brighten up a place.
Just checked the weather report. That bright light you saw wasn't lightning,
but my smile, when I saw that temps were not going to be as high this week.
102- 109 is just a bit too uncomfortable, especially when the humidity level
is high too. We're actually supposed to have a few days in the high 80's.
Sounds so good.
This word always makes me smile, always brings to mind memories of
my children when they were small. As well, it reminds me of myself when
I was a youngster. So many of the adults during those days, were always
telling me "Stop acting like a kid. Grow up."
I found this confusing, and it made me very sad. I was confused because I
(was) a kid- only ten. How does a kid not act like a kid? I was sad
because their words made me feel like they were asking me to stop
being the person I was.
Imagination, even today, keeps me going; keeps me hopeful, content,
eager to meet whatever challenges life may throw at me. My imagination
has allowed me to travel all over the world, allowed me to see myself in
a better place, doing the very things people told me I'd never be able to do.
I love taking memory walks; always stop at the places that made me so
happy, many of those places being the dinner table. My four children's
minds were so active then. I loved the way they expressed themselves.
This morning I thought of conversations I'll never forget, like:
When my daughter was five and I had a hard time getting her to eat
her vegetables. One night, she sat at the table pushing some broccoli
around on her plate with her fork, while making the most horrible faces.
"I don't know how these trees can be good for me." she said. "when they
taste so nasty." Her younger brother laughed and said "Just pretend
they are Christmas trees."
Another time she asked if Jesus liked spaghetti.
"He might." I said.
"Good. Cause I'm going to save him some of mine."
Remembering this conversation reminded me of one I had with my dad,
so many years ago. I never got to spend much time with him so jumped
at the chance to go in the car with him one day. I don't remember where
we were going, but never forgot the conversation, the reason being the
way my mind worked.
We'd just driven under an overpass.
I asked. "Dad, how many boxes of oleo could you stack from
the ground to the top of the bridge?"
"Not sure. Quite a lot I guess."
"Less than that?"
He changed the subject. His plan didn't work. I asked how far the stars
were from our house, and what made them so bright. I asked how the
man who made cars knew how to build one, how old would I grow up to be,
and who invented paint? Who invented rubber?
I asked why the water we drink is a different color than than ocean
water. After awhile he began to get frustrated. He didn't get mad, just
sighed and said. "Doesn't your mind ever shut down?
I'm smiling as I type this part because the answer is still the same.
No! My mind never shuts down. I'm just as curious today as I was when
I was a kid. A car passes our house and I wonder where it is going,
wonder about the people in it; if they are happy or sad, if they are related
or just friends, if they believe in God or not.
Imagination is a wonderful thing. Today, my imagination is one of the
things that propels me forward, keeps depression at bay, as well as worries,
It helps to visualize good, positive, wonderful things, pulls one down if
the mind is filled with negativeness. Life is hard today, harder than it has
ever been- and not just for me...but for you- for us all. That is why I do
my best to encourage my kids to hold tight to the sense of wonder, to
not get so focused on all that is wrong in the world. Focusing on just the dark
side of things, the painful, depressing side, does nothing but keep us from
experiencing those special shiny moments that are placed within our hands
Don't overlook them, dear hearts. And pray that I don't either. Being
grateful (keeping track of our blessings) enables us to be content, and
will enable us to enjoy life to the fullest.
I've got to get busy now, have chores waiting.
Don't forget how special, how unique you are.
Don't forget to take care of your hearts; keep them full
of sweetness, kindness, mercy, love, tolerance, patience,
for always being in my corner, for your friendship, love and support.
love you much.