Thursday, October 2, 2014

Not to worry dear hearts. I'll feel better after I have a second cup of coffee.
It seems no matter how hard I try to unwind before bedtime, once I'm in bed..

well, I am no longer sleepy. Either that, or I go right to sleep, but wake up every
two or three hours throughout the night. It's the pits!

But aside from that, life is pretty good. Oh, like all of you, there are some

things that trouble me; things that involve loved ones. But I have learned that
worrying solves nothing. Better it is to trust in the Lord, and focus on the 
good stuff in life, of which there is plenty.

Everybody in this area is excited that we finally have triple digit weather behind us.
Now it's early morning cold air, sometimes lots of fog, but the sun still shows its

beautiful face in the afternoon. This weeks temps will be between 79- 90, which
is awesome.

Some things never change; like this holiday thing. Every year,
around this time, the stores fill up with not only Halloween stuff, but Christmas and Thanksgiving as well. Most people don't like it this way. But having been poor for most of my life. I can understand how some people love it. When I was raising my kids alone,
I seldom had money to spend on them, never what I would have liked too. So I loved
that there was Christmas stuff out early. That way I was able to do layaway the things I wanted to buy for  my kids. If I couldn't have done that....well, I don't like to think of how lousy their Christmas would have been.

My life: 
The last three years have been extremely difficult- very painful too. But, as

I always say, our greatest blessing are sometimes hidden midst our darkest, most
painful trials. Losing so many loved ones, having my health issues worsen so rapidly, having to come to terms with financial realities, and  trying to adapt to so many changes taught me a lot about myself. I learned how to ask for help, something I  had always found difficult. I learned that I am much stronger than I believed myself to be. I 

learned what a powerful thing faith is, and what a wonderful, loving, mighty God we worship and love.
My children ...are doing fairly well, though of course each one, like all of us, has

issues they struggle with. They have all grown up to be sons and daughters that I am
very proud of. They are far better parents than I ever was. This is something that truly
saddens me, for I'd have loved to be as great a parent to them as they are to their children. But I did my best. If I'd known better I'd have done better.

SOMETIMES....I find myself with closed eyes, imagining myself seated on a train seat,
I never wonder where the train is going, am just happy to be taking the ride.

I am staring out the window, watching the world fly by, feasting my eyes on on the trees, waterfalls, sagebrush, cars, trucks, houses, cattle, horses, barns, people and kids, as if it's the last time I'll ever see them. I do this when loneliness gets to be too heavy; when it feels as a noose around my neck. Taking a memory walk, or ride, reminds me of how blessed I am. Yes, my childhood was horrible, my teen years chaotic,
my early adult years heartbreaking and overwhelming. But midst all of that sadness and pain was so much much good stuff the Lord blessed me with. Much of it is gone now, but each memory reminds me of how rich I was - and still am.

I hope that you are enjoying your day; making the most out of each moment as it

arrives. Moments are such fleeting things; isolated fragments of time, some small, 
some very big, each one giving us an opportunity for something. What that 
something is, only you know. Sometimes I know mine right off. But other 
times many days will pass, and suddenly I know what I ought to have done,
or could have done.


Relationships are so pleasurable- yet can be so mystifying and painful.  I have been 

doing a lot of deep thinking and praying of late, wanting desperately to heal some
broken relationships in my life. Sometimes the going is easy- other times, not so 
much. Good communication helps, being honest, open and tolerant helps too. 
With all the junk in my past I've failed in  a lot of areas, but am working 
hard to clean it all up. Some may work out- some may not. 
But it is important that I try. Why? Because there is nothing worse than
 regret, nothing worse than years flying by, and one day you hear 
yourself say "If only."

Good news....
I am going to be a great grandmother again: three more babies coming,

 if I have  the number right.  About the time I have it right I hear another
 baby is  due down the way.
 New life! An awesome thing!

Regarding choices:
It pays to think before speaking or doing. Why? Because our life

is what it is because of choices we made- or failed to make. And down the way,
it is our final choices after all, that  determine what our ending days will be like:
who is in our lives- or out of it; and if we have comfort
 or even a hint of understanding.

On life's journey,
Dear hearts, keep on keeping on, no matter how steep the hill;

the rewards are always greater than the trial just experienced.

Hope is the flame within our hearts that keeps us alive; keeps us creating 
dreams, building towers in the sky. Hope keeps us alive in spite of ourselves.
Without it- life disappears.

If you're  by any chance, feeling misunderstood, lonely, unloved and

perhaps unwanted, remember that our needs are sometimes greater than
other  people can cope with; the hole within us to huge for others to fill.
Just remember that what man cannot do...God can.

Well, guess I have said what I wanted to say, except to say you are always

in my prayers. Always!

Be good to yourself.....better to others.

   Love you much,


Crown of Beauty said...

Dear friend, I was doing a draft for my end of month blog post and about to sign off when I noticed in my blog sidebar that there is a new post from you. I hurriedly clicked on your blog title and here I am... visiting with you, and reading your heart, and spending time with you on blogland. You are special, and you are loved. Your experience is not wasted. Your honesty and transparency are appreciated. Sometimes, as I read your words, I wish we lived close to each other. That way we could talk, and share, have coffee times together. But this is the closest we can get on this side of eternity. Heavenly Father thinks you've done very well. And right now I am praying for His strong arms to embrace you and let you feel His comforting presence and reassurance that He is with you every step of the way. He is Your provider... a miracle working God in ways we never imagined or even asked for. As I sign off, and go to sleep (3 am already, friend) I know that it is probably just about noon where you live. We meet before God's throne of grace. Much love, Lidia

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

Congrats on the new great grand babes! Your posts are always a joy to read and inspire me to hang in there ! Glad you are out of the triple digits. We didn't have many of those kind of days here but the upper 90's were hot enough for me. Today is a beautiful day in Ohio and we are approaching 80 degrees. I got a little yard work done and am in now taking a break and cooling off. Rain and much cooler weather are coming in for the weekend. Fall is truly here.

Jeanie said...

Congratulations on the 'new life' moving into your family. That's wonderful. As for the sleepless nights? I too suffer from this syndrome most nights. I have learnt to accept that it is God's way of giving me more 'awake time' on earth before I pop my clogs. So to speak. lol
A thoughtful entry as usual Barbara.

Kath said...

Great post once again Barb.I am hanging on and trying to climb a steep ladder again.I know with the help of Our Dear Lord and your words.I will get to the top, once more.He never lets us down.Much of what you say here, reminds me so much of things in my own life Barb.Keep well Dear Friend and know you are always in my thoughts and prayers too.Love you and Congratulations,I hope all goes well for the Mums, when the new Babies are due.Take Care God Bless Kath xx

Melanie said...



JOHN said...

Very interesting post. I've been doing the same lately. I to have been thinking of riding a train. It would be nice to to get my Sister's andI on a day trip do lunch then home.Just to spend time together.Also mending old friendships. I too need to do that.Pray you get rest my friend
God Bless