I am hoping today finds every one of you happy, healthy and doing well. I know, as all of you do, that life is full of changes, not all of them pleasant or easy. We are always going through some kind of transition, always waiting for something: a phone call, dinner, company,
a reply from the doctor, to name just a few.
I have many people telling me, more now than before it seems, that every time they turn around there is another change to get used too. I can truly relate. Of all the transitions I have gone through, the most difficult ones have been the deaths of loved ones, being so far from family, and the latest and most difficult (getting used to being 80 years old). Even writing it feels odd, mostly because though my body is constantly reminding me that I am no longer young, I do not feel old. If my health issues and pain were non issues I'd still be trucking, riding horses, going for bike rides, and quite possibly trying something I always planned to do, which is to just once, jump out of an airplane. Oh, trust me, I'd not find it easy to do. I KNOW somebody would have to push me out that door, but I have always wanted to do that.
Why do we sometimes have the desire to do crazy things like this, even if we'd have to be pushed, yet are so fearful and hesitant about life's transitions, which are usually much easier and require far less courage? Makes you wonder, doesn't it?
This morning, I was standing at my patio door while drinking a cup of coffee, admiring the beautiful trees across the fence. I gaze at these trees every morning, remembering how my Johnny and I once did this together. Our love of trees was something we had in common. We looked forward to the pastel colors of spring, and then became eager for the transition of summer to autumn, always anxiously waiting to see those deep, rich, vibrant colors of autumn.
As well, i cried because I remembered one of the l conversations I had with my Johnny before he died. We were on the patio, observing these same trees. I said to Johnny." Honey, look at those leaves on the bottom branch. They are fighting as hard as they can to hold on. It is almost as if they are resisting letting go."
This was only about five or six weeks before Johnny died. I remember when i told him that, he put his arm around me, tilted my face up with his fingers and said' Babe, when my time comes I don't want you to be like those little leaves. I want you to promise me you'll let go. Just let go, baby, and trust God to take care of you. You always tell me that you got where you are because He honors your faith. So when I'm gone, let go and trust Him to take care of you like he always has."
I promised my husband I would let go. And so when he died, I did, but not right away. As many of you know (for you've lost the love of your life too), letting go is not easy. It is still very hard for me. I miss Johnny so much. Every day! And when I find myself struggling, I remind myself of my promise and sit down, ask the Lord to comfort and strengthen me, and He always does.
Life these days isn't easy for anybody. But it truly helps to remind ourselves that transitions are part of life, and they don't have to be bad experiences. Most of our stress is not from the trial itself but from our reaction to it. What helps? Well, speaking from personal experience, I have learned the wisdom of "letting go" and trusting God to do what He promises us He will do. I remind myself every day that security is not found in people,
places or things, but in our relationship with the Lord.
I am doing well, though like I said, it hasn't been easy adjusting to all the changes of being 80. I can truly relate to people who get discouraged and troubled, who say "Every time I turn around it's something new." It is! I am finding out so many things I cannot do any more, so many things I have to do much slower, so many things I need to learn, and even things I need to forget about.
I hope this post doesn't give the impression that I'm depressed or unhappy. I'm not. I just felt the need to share about letting go because "letting go" seems to be one of the things most of us have the hardest time doing. And we can't really enjoy life if, like those leaves on the tree, we're holding tight to things that aren't good for us or things or people that make us unhappy.
Letting go doesn't mean we've given up, though many seem to see it that way. Letting go is a HUGE victory. It's an indication that we've grown in understanding, have learned, or are learning to be honest with ourselves, and that we realize the wisdom in not holding so tightly to anything.
Thanks for being there for me, for taking time to read what I write, and for all the prayers and good wishes. Love you very much.