Wednesday, July 4, 2012

I hope this post finds all of you doing well. Hope too that you are enjoying this 4th of July. It's the first time we've not celebrated it in almost 39 years. We would now but Johnny is too sick, and no matter how many people prompt me to take a break and do something for myself I can't bear to be away from him. His health is failing rapidly now and I'd never forgive myself if I lost him while away from home. That being said what do you say I move on to other things?

    I woke to the sound of birds on our patio and the warmth of the sun. It was nice; far better than honking horns, airplanes taking off, and arguments coming from the next door apartment. Johnny was still asleep  so I had a rare chance to wake up slowly while enjoying the silence around me. I didn't have a long time alone, but enough time to think about how my days are now, as compared to how different they will be in too short a time.

     Changes used to intimidate me but I've grown a lot in the past ten years.  I can now view changes, even the major ones, as simply an interruption, sort of like a phone call bearing bad news. The phone  call interrupts what I'm doing, but while talking on the phone life doesn't pause, allowing the change to be put neatly into a cubicle.

    Changes create holes in our comfort zones. They interrupt our daily routine, can rearrange our lives, challenge our beliefs, remove possessions or people from our lives. It helps to remember that life is change, and change is life.

Whenever life gets complicated and I find myself feeling overwhelmed, when too many changes come too quickly, I am comforted knowing that some things never change. Like what you may ask? Well, like the rising and setting of the sun, like the dependable way seasons pass one into the other, as gently, as quietly as the ending of a day, like the way the laughter of a baby can put a smile upon our face even midst our depression, like the way God so faithfully turns his night lights on so we'll know he's there should we need him.
     And then there is that wonderful, unchanging thing called memory. It serves us so well, is such a comfort, especially when we've lost, or are about to lose a loved one. I can tell you from my own personal experience how empowering memory walks are. They allow us to relive parts of our life that we will never again experience. Remembering, for instance, my Mom, I not only see her in her rocking chair, but can smell the toast she just made and the fresh coffee.

    If I walk backwards, in the corridors of my mind I often stop at the old, green house  we lived in when I met the first  love of my life, the boy with the 1,ooo watt smile. I can feel his hands on mine, can feel his fingers tugging on my hair..can hear his voice saying, "I love you, honey girl."
  Memories are such a blessing. I thank the Lord always for creating such a wonderful thing. I will be taking a lot of memory walks when I lose my Johnny, have 38 1/2 years worth of precious memories to hold onto.
     Whatever changes are going on in your lives, I pray they are good ones. If not, I pray that you are able to remember that life runs on opposites; not every day will be good- not every day bad. Each has its turn.

I've gotten behind on chores so best sign off now. Remember how unique you are, how special- a one of a kind. Be good to others and good to yourselves too. Have an awesome day.




Sandy said...

Dear Friend,
You already know I am praying for you and your Johnny. Never take your eyes off of Jesus. He will see you through, no matter what. May His peace surround you and your husband at this time and always. Wish there was something I could say to put into words what I am feeling for you at this very difficult time.
Love & Prayers,

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

I do think of you often and am so sorry for the rough changes going on in your life right now. You are right there is a time and purpose to everything under heaven. We have a time to laugh to cry and to mourn too. Accepting that this is going to happen to all of us at some time or another helps. You are fortunate to have had Johnny for all the years you have had together. Some of us weren't so fortunate at all, but I've got to say that those memories do stay with us and help us over some very untimely changes for sure. I'm sending you best wishes on this 4th of July.