Hello, guys & dolls,
I know it is afternoon, but I like the above graphic so much I just had to use it.
On a day like today, I'd love to go to the coast. It is only a short drive from our place, perhaps two and a half to three hours, but those days are gone, at least for now. My sweet husband, as most of you know, is on hospice, which of course changes everything. I so wish he wasn't so ill, that he was well enough for one last trip but unfortunately, he's not. He's pretty much confined to either the bed, or the chair next to his bed. Both are in the living room. We chose to put the hospice bed there because it's the brightest room. As well, he's able to see the outdoors through the sliding patio door.
I've missed visiting with all of you, but know you understand my absence. I also wish to take a second here to thank you for the great support you've given me through emails and cards. Those unexpected surprises have helped me so much....far more than you know. I don't get a lot of sleep because I'm up and down throughout the night meeting Johnny's needs. Sometimes, when I've had to get up from a sound sleep and am unable to get back to sleep I read your cards and emails again. It is such a help. This journey came unexpectedly, is one that we, of course did not wish to take. But this journey is one that most of us will take at some point in our lives. And like all life's experiences there is something we can learn from the trial if we so choose.
I must admit that when Johnny first came home and said, "Honey, there is nothing else the doctors can do for me," my reaction was like yours would probably be. I resisted! I dragged my feet, refused to accept the reality of the situation, refused to believe that in a very short time I was going to lose my Johnny. Not accepting it of course just made the changes...the journey, that much more difficult- that much more painful. It took awhile for me to recognize how futile struggling was, took awhile for me to accept that no matter what I did...I could change nothing. Johnny couldn't either, though like me, he remained in denial for quite awhile.
Many years ago, when I created my first blog "Hey Let's Talk," and shared my life experiences as I lived them I often got negative comments left. Readers said, "Barb, how can you make public such things, especially your mistakes?"
I guess I'm remembering that because I'm still sharing, only much more in detail, a lot of it some pretty painful things. Still, I am convinced that it was, and still is a good thing. I know it is for now, instead of negative comments I hear things like "I am amazed at how much you share. I've wanted to share, needed too, but did not have the courage." or "I'm so glad you share the negative in your life as well as the upbeat things. Knowing that I am not alone, that other people are going through the same thing I am has made me feel less lonely, has given me courage to start a blog too."
My most recent question by email was "Barb, how do you manage to stay so upbeat, so positive when so many hard things are going on in your life?"
My response was" I lean on the Lord, and I always, every single day, look for a "SHINY" moment, a shiny moment being a moment that distracts me from my sadness. Watching for those special moments helps nurture my desire to remain grateful, to never take for granted God's goodness to me.
Wherever this day finds you I pray you are not forgetting how special and unique you are. I pray that you are as gentle with yourself as you are to others and that you will remember, as I try to do, that we're always stronger than we believe ourselves to be.
Here is something I read that I took to heart and it has served me well. If you apply it to your life I believe it will serve you well too.
"Get still; tell your heart the Truth;
act on it; leave the results to God."
Have an awesome day.