Monday, October 15, 2012

The Promised Update

Hello, dear ones
     I decided to use the above graphic in honor of my sister, the one who died in February. It is fitting, I think, since I am in the process of losing my Johnny as well. I've not meant to ignore your requests for an update, and do apologize for taking so long to give you one. It's just that...well, to be honest, I guess I was in denial. Didn't realize it until I went to use the telephone. While searching for a number I realized I'd not yet deleted my sister's. There is was- staring me in the face, forcing me to make a difficult decision. Leave it and remain stuck in that area of grief, or move on as life demands. I wasn't able to delete it right away. But I did. Had too, just as I will have to put behind me certain things of Johnny's when he is no longer with me.
     Life is tough, isn't it, my friends, especially when it comes to things of the heart? We can't imagine ever losing those we love, just kind of take for granted that they will always be there. Then, one day, unexpectedly, we hear "There is nothing more the doctors can do for me," and hospice enters our lives.
It  entered mine- is taking Johnny away from me, from our children, sisters and brothers, grandchildren...people who know and love him.  I so wish this update could be better, but it is what it is. Our hospice nurse tells me his body is beginning to shut down, much sooner and much faster than we expected. It is very hard to cope with, yet the Lord makes sure that I can.

    As painful as it was to share the story I wrote about Johnny's and my  life together ( The Fragrance Of A Rose), I'm so glad that I did, so glad it is still online for anybody to read it who might wish to.
    Every time I read it I'm reminded of how wonderful God blessed us, of how far He has walked with us, of how blessed we are to have shared a love that has endured so much. But it is getting so hard now. The sadness within my heart oftentimes weighs so much I feel I cannot bear it. When I feel I cannot, I run to the Lord, and then to our story. I need to read our story often because Johnny is changing so much I scarcely recognize him any more. Reading our story enables me to see him as he was before sickness took over, as he was when we first met and fell in love. It helps remind me of his goodness, of how greatly the Lord changed him- and me. It reminds me of the many sweet things he did for me, how deeply he loves me- how far he went out of his way to make things right.
    I am losing him, dear ones, so fast, and it hurts so much. Still, the LORD is quick to comfort me, quick to wipe my tears- quick to hold me close to His heart. And HE is enough. The sadness doesn't go away, nor the pain, but oh, the miracle of that promised peace of Christ. It continues to hold me steady midst it all, and will always.


     Many of you are, like me, in the process of losing a loved one. I want to encourage you to not forget how close the Lord is. Don't let the sadness or pain weigh more than it needs too. Carrying it alone we'd not be able to bear it. But with His Righteous hand holding tight to ours, we can  handle anything.

 I wish you all good things, mostly that promised peace of Christ to be with you always.

Love you much,



Crown of Beauty said...

This is a painful process even if you know you can endure it... still there's nothing like it when a husband leaves your side on this earthly abode. God is our refuge and strength. He alone knows what we go through when that happens. I lost my husband, suddenly one Sunday morning, four years ago. My heart went numb and even if I wanted to, the songs went dead too... But really, I don't know how the quiet strength and the peace were infused into my heart, but they were. God never barged into my pain, but there were days when I knew He was holding my hand... Painful as it is, it has formed and shaped and deepened my character. But now, dear Barb, I do not want to go ahead of you... All I mean to say is that God knows, and He cares, and He is willing, above all He is able!

Much love

Jeannette said...

I'm so sorry that the end is coming for you and Johnny's time together on Earth. Just know that the your friends here and the Lord will be with you through this difficult time, you won't be alone. Just treasure every minute you have left with your sweet Johnny, don't let the sadness come in and steal away any of your precious time together. Bless you both Barb and Johnny. xxxx

I'm mostly known as 'MA' said...

Thankfully we have a loving God to give us strength when it is needed. All our hope is in His promises. You have had a wonderful relationship and many good memories and those things are treasures when times are bad. May our dear Lord bless and comfort you. Thank you for taking the time to let us know how things are going.

REGINA said...

i am still reading your "johnny and you" story. i have to stop often and close it, for it brings tears to my soul. not because it was a sad story, but is having a sad ending, one i already know. barb, know that my prayers are with you both. you have a servants heart and you love with your whole being. and johnny knows this. he is safe in God's arms and when he goes to be with Him, God will help guide you through the grief. i hold you in my heart, my friend.

Sybil said...

I am glad to see a report from you dear Barb..I know just how hard this past year or two have been for you and Johnny and I thank our loving God daily for surrounding you with his love and care and peace. There are times though when we still feel very much alone and it is at these times I am thankful that our Lord has provided us with physical friends that can also care for us...That's where we come in Barb, you know we will always be around, and Johnny I hope that it comforts you also to know that we will always be around for your beloved Barb.
God bless xxxxx

Debbie said...

My heart is heavy for you, my Sister. May the Lord comfort you now as always.

Kath said...

I think everyone have already said what I would have said Barb.God Is Good.He will never leave you nor anyone.We too are watching the same thing happen,with Roosters Father.My heart goes out to you and my prayers are for you both always.If I could take your pain,I would.I Love you.Gentle Hugs to you both.I do not know if I have the link to your story Barb,or is it on this blog.Exuse my memory please.Take Care God Bless Kath xx

Helen said...

May God continue to be with you and Johnny and bring you both peace.

ADB said...

Keeping you in thoughts as you continue down this road with an inevitable end. Wishing you and Johnny all strength,


Linda :) said...

Even when you are in the middle of your hardest time... you still bring words to comfort me and others... God is always with us and never makes mistakes...
You are truly a wonderful friend...

Crown of Beauty said...

I came over to let you know I am thinking of you today, and lifting you up before God's throne of mercy and grace.


FlowerLady Lorraine said...

Dear Barb ~ Your story breaks my heart. I can feel your grief, but I also feel the strength of Jesus flowing through you and out to all who are also grieving.

I would love to read your story The Fragrance of a Rose, could you post the link?

You are an inspiration to me, as I just lost my dear husband 9 Dec. 2012.

Love and hugs to you ~ FlowerLady