Hello, dear ones
I decided to use the above graphic in honor of my sister, the one who died in February. It is fitting, I think, since I am in the process of losing my Johnny as well. I've not meant to ignore your requests for an update, and do apologize for taking so long to give you one. It's just that...well, to be honest, I guess I was in denial. Didn't realize it until I went to use the telephone. While searching for a number I realized I'd not yet deleted my sister's. There is was- staring me in the face, forcing me to make a difficult decision. Leave it and remain stuck in that area of grief, or move on as life demands. I wasn't able to delete it right away. But I did. Had too, just as I will have to put behind me certain things of Johnny's when he is no longer with me.
Life is tough, isn't it, my friends, especially when it comes to things of the heart? We can't imagine ever losing those we love, just kind of take for granted that they will always be there. Then, one day, unexpectedly, we hear "There is nothing more the doctors can do for me," and hospice enters our lives.
It entered mine- is taking Johnny away from me, from our children, sisters and brothers, grandchildren...people who know and love him. I so wish this update could be better, but it is what it is. Our hospice nurse tells me his body is beginning to shut down, much sooner and much faster than we expected. It is very hard to cope with, yet the Lord makes sure that I can.
As painful as it was to share the story I wrote about Johnny's and my life together ( The Fragrance Of A Rose), I'm so glad that I did, so glad it is still online for anybody to read it who might wish to.
Every time I read it I'm reminded of how wonderful God blessed us, of how far He has walked with us, of how blessed we are to have shared a love that has endured so much. But it is getting so hard now. The sadness within my heart oftentimes weighs so much I feel I cannot bear it. When I feel I cannot, I run to the Lord, and then to our story. I need to read our story often because Johnny is changing so much I scarcely recognize him any more. Reading our story enables me to see him as he was before sickness took over, as he was when we first met and fell in love. It helps remind me of his goodness, of how greatly the Lord changed him- and me. It reminds me of the many sweet things he did for me, how deeply he loves me- how far he went out of his way to make things right.
I am losing him, dear ones, so fast, and it hurts so much. Still, the LORD is quick to comfort me, quick to wipe my tears- quick to hold me close to His heart. And HE is enough. The sadness doesn't go away, nor the pain, but oh, the miracle of that promised peace of Christ. It continues to hold me steady midst it all, and will always.
Many of you are, like me, in the process of losing a loved one. I want to encourage you to not forget how close the Lord is. Don't let the sadness or pain weigh more than it needs too. Carrying it alone we'd not be able to bear it. But with His Righteous hand holding tight to ours, we can handle anything.
I wish you all good things, mostly that promised peace of Christ to be with you always.
Love you much,