Spring cleaning! I wonder how many women look forward to this- how many hate it.
Me? I have always loved it. Oh, there are some parts of cleaning I don't care that much for, mostly the harder stuff that requires getting on your knees, or climbing ladders.
But as far as the rest goes, I love making dirty things shiny again, love rearranging rooms, trying new colors, decorating in new ways. I rent, don't own, so of course am
limited as to what I can do. But that doesn't keep me from getting it done. Sometimes, while relaxing, enjoying the quiet, I mentally redo my entire apartment. :) It's free.
Can't beat that.

I have a friend who told me he sometimes wished I'd share a little about myself. I did
this once, many years ago, but I guess he missed that post. Some of you may have missed it too. I thought, since today is kind of a fresh start on my life, I'd kind of
introduce myself.

I am a widow now, but was married for 38 and a half years. I have six wonderful children- 4 sons and 2 daughters. Many grandchildren, 0ver 33 at last count. Quite a blessing isn't it? 
  I grew up in mostly small towns. We moved around a lot, which is probably where I 
get my love for traveling. One of the greatest thrills of my life was when I got to go trucking for three and a half years.
    I have been a waitress, telephone solicitor, sold Amway, Avon, and Studio Girl Cosmetics. I also worked at Jack-in-the-Box, and managed several Storage facilities,
 and was an apartment manager too. When my children were small, I baby sat for extra money and took in ironing to help make ends meet. 
   
  I not only love solitude and silence, but crave it. I'd not be much fun to be around if I didn't have that quiet time. Being able to just sit and be enables me to stay focused on what truly matters; helps me keep my priorities straight.

I am slow to anger- quick to forgive.
I am harder on myself than on others.
I am sometimes too analytical.
I have a great sense of humor, love to make people laugh.
I'm spontaneous, though not overly impulsive.
I am loyal, honest, dependable and friendly- very approachable.
I can sometimes be moody.
I struggle at times with low self-image.


I love the outdoors, really miss being able to go horseback riding. I used to do a lot of 
it when younger. Getting older certainly changes a lot of things. Another thing I can no longer do because of arthritis is to play the guitar. I really miss that. I played it when happy, sad, tired, worried..just all the time. It was a great stress reducer.
 
Things I enjoy doing the most: Writing stores and songs, reading, music, cooking, working with flowers, collecting music boxes, making inspirational tapes for friends and family.
  When I think about my life I'm amazed at how much God has given me, how far He's walked alongside me. He helped me understand the power of choice, the value of
silence, and the miracles and solutions to be found in solitude.

An example of how Barb's mind works. Below is my description of a cup.

A CUP:

A cup is not only what it appears to be. It appears to be a container,
 created solely for the purpose of containing something,
 usually a beverage.
I look at a cup and notice its texture, color and shape, and whether
 it is empty or full. I see the cup as a
man's heart; it can contain good things- or all manner of bad.
  
A cup to me, represents life. Like the cup, my life is full
and complete one moment, empty and not quite
together the next.
Like man, a cup can exist for a long time
if handled well, or become cracked and ruined
due to rough handling.

I love cups. They remind me sometimes of those 
whose hands created them.
Those hands have never been seen by me. But I
 appreciate their efforts;
wonder about them every time I'm given a cup
 by somebody who loves me.

Some cups appear more beautiful than others, 
because beauty does not look the same to all men.
A cup may not be attractive to some people,
 but that doesn't matter. It serves its purpose.
 
A man or woman can seem to be quite unattractive.
 But like the cup, once the right connection
 is made, once another individual discovers 
this persons hidden beauty, the two will
 more likely than not, create their own 
morning, noon, or nightly ritual.

**************************************************************************************



 Well, dear ones, thanks for putting up with my nonsense.
My apologies for the way this post is lined up.
I am having serious computer problems
right now. Need new computer.

Take care of yourselves.
 I'll be catching up with your blogs now that
I'm back on track

Love you much.
Barb

A 2012 REPOST

Good Morning,

I've not been able to post for quite awhile due to problems with my hands. As well, it's taken me a bit longer than I thought it would to adjust to life without my Johnny. But I am doing well, moving forward, each day watching for the opportunity to do better.

I don't know about you, but when I hit a rough patch in life I have to pencil
in some additional quiet time; need to take time to check out my priorities,
to take a personal inventory of my life. One of the things that helps me the
most is reading through my blogs and personal journals.
Sometimes, while doing this, I stumble across something that helps 
me see where I messed up. While doing this yesterday I came across 
the post I'm sharing today. Reading it lifted my spirits again,
helped me recognize exactly where I am emotionally, mentally, physically,
and spiritually. It also reminded me of the wonder of music, how powerful
a thing it is, which is the main reason I'm reposting it.



Saturday, Aug. 11, 2012

What Song Do You Sing?

What is your song, your story? How have you named yourself? What word, when you say it aloud, rings true about this inner voice, in the deepest part of your heart?
When I whisper the word mother aloud I feel a sense of responsibility. When I say "child of an alcoholic" I feel lost and afraid, confused and very sad. When I say "friend" I feel caring, valued, sometimes overwhelmed. Every time I ask myself another question, I place myself on a different pathway in life, have a different set of lessons to learn- opportunities to give.
    Johnny's being on hospice has caused me to spend a lot of nights thinking about my life. I often find myself viewing it as a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle and get frustrated when pieces don't quite fit. This was how it was last night, after the sun began its journey to the other side of the world. I got Johnny settled down for the night and stood on our patio staring at God's nightlights. Then it was, that I recalled the beautiful story I am now going to share with you.

   There is a tribe in Africa where the birth date of a child is counted- not from when they're born, not from when they're conceived- but from the day that the child was a thought in the mother's mind.
   
And when a woman decides that she will have a child, she goes off and sits under a tree, by herself, and she listens until she can hear the song of the child that wants to come. And after she's heard the song of this child, she comes back to the man who will be the child's father and teaches him the song.  And then, when they make love to physically conceive the child, some of the time they sing the song of the child, as a way to invite the child to come.
  
And then, when the mother is pregnant, the mother teaches that child's song to the midwives and the old women of the village, so that when the child is born, the old woman and the people around her sing the child's song to welcome it. And then, as the child grows up, the other villagers are taught the child's song. If the child falls, or hurts its knee, someone picks the child up and sings it's song to it. Or perhaps if the child does something wonderful, or goes through the rites of puberty--then as a way of honoring this person, the people of the village sing his or her song.

     And it goes this way through their life, in marriage; the songs are sung, together. And finally, when the child is lying in bed, ready to die, all the villagers know his or her song, and they sing, for the last time, the song to this person.

   What is your song, I ask again? Do you have one to comfort yourself, to encourage yourself? I"m not sure if this post will make sense to anybody reading it, but that's okay. It makes sense to me, is filling a need I have at the moment, an enormous need for comforting, which is why I went outside to gaze at God's nightlights; always lit so I can find my way home.

    My song? It is "How Great Thou Art."
    
There is nothing quite as comforting as staring up at the starry heavens. Doing that enables me to see just how small I really am, and just how great HE is- how absolutely Wonderful!

HAVE AN AWESOME  DAY. LOVE YOU MUCH.

BARB

A REPOST BY REQUEST

TODAY'S POST IS FROM 2009,

I'm posting it again for

Shawna, as I said, 

by request

Today's been tough, extremely hard for me. About the time I think I'm on top of a situation, the ground gets pulled out from under me.  I had a good cry, and I mean a good one. Then, needing some comfort and reassurance I talked things over with the Lord; told him how overwhelmed I felt, how heavy the sad within me is. I talked a long time, then sat quietly, as always I do, waiting, knowing that before long the emptiness I felt- the deep sadness would soon pass. And it did. 
    It began to fade away as I read an earlier post of mine. I'm sharing it again here, more for myself, than for you, but do hope something in this post lifts your spirits or makes you smile.
     
My 2009 Post
 
Whenever I start the morning greatly appreciating my life, I take a memory walk, wanting to reconnect with people who inspired me, encouraged me, lifted my spirits,  or taught me something, people whose belief in me enabled me to believe in myself.
     I shared Gingerbread and hot chocolate with my Mom, my heart filling with admiration as she shared her life experiences, speaking softly, as always she did, about how love can go wrong, how important it is to remember that people are more important than things, and that doing our best is always good enough. Our last conversation left me with words that literally changed my life. "If you can be honest with yourself, she said, "about yourself, you'll find the quality of your relationships will improve. Why? Because when you look at another persons  faults you're now able to see your own."She's been gone a long time now, but sometimes, like today, it's as if she never left.

The second person I visited on my walk was my father. As in all families, and within all relationships, not all is perfect. It was so with us. But I've never focused on the hurting memories, of which there are many. Better it is, I learned a long time ago, to focus on the good in life, as well as in people. This being so, I revisited Sequoia National Park; ate cold watermelon as I observed my father, who stood leaning against a Redwood tree- gazing upwards while sipping a cold beer, looking happier than I'd ever seen  him. "It just doesn't get better than this."he said, smiling at me.
     I've never forgotten that moment or the sights, sounds, and smells of it. My father taught me many things (though none by example). The most important thing?
 1-Don't take life or people for granted.
 2- Learn to control your emotions- don't allow them to control you.
 3- Everybody deserves a second chance.
   
Next to visit was Tommy, the first love of my life. I rode his maroon and white bicycle again, danced with him, went horseback riding, and felt his strength when he embraced me for the last time. It's okay, Princess." he whispered, while brushing my tears away with his fingers. "I'll be back."
   He didn't come back, but what I learned from him kept me strong, has helped me through many a storm. He was unique, had the heart of a poet- was so tall in my eyes. He taught me the true meaning of integrity, loyalty, and friendship, taught me that I'm much stronger than I believe myself to be, and am able to do whatever I wish to do.

Next, I visited Pastor Joe, who introduced me to Jesus, enabled me to experience somebody actually living what God says love is. I spoke with former friends, spent an hour swinging on an old tire swing, then revisited the tree house Tommy built for me. "For when life's too heavy." he said.
     Oh, but I loved that tree house, spent many hours there doing nothing except think about life- about how unfair it was, the way it put heaven in your hands, only to snatch it from you when you least expected it. I thought about how noisy the world was, and how hard it was to find a quiet place. I thought about the present day- wondered what tomorrow would bring (if it would leave my life as it was or change it into something I would hate). Mostly I'd think about Tommy, wishing, praying, hoping, as his dad did, that we'd be together always.

We weren't together for always. But life goes its own way, doesn't it? And the years pass, each one confronting us with truths we're never quite ready to face like: waking up one day and realizing that not only has youth left us, but we are no longer in the middle-age bracket. It takes much longer now  to do things we once did so quickly- so easily. And we're not always comfortable with the stranger in the mirror, nor with our bodies, which far to often betray us.
   But we're always going through some kind of transitions, whether big or small. And not all changes are bad.
     Like many of you I'm facing difficult things: the death of a sister, another one recovering from a stroke, a third with Parkinson's, a son whose marriage failed, a daughter losing her home...and the list goes on. We're all going through hard times, but even so, we are blessed. Every one of us! So as I so often say, be brave and have courage. Every trial comes to its own end. There is always tomorrow with it's brand new opportunities.  What helps me the very most is not to remember who I am, but whose I am.

I wish you all good things: love, joy, laughter, peace, and hope.

As always, Johnny and I wish to thank each of you for your friendship, support

***As you know my Johnny died in 2012. Even so, I left the last line in
the post. If he were here he's ask me to include him in well wishes. He alwasys did.
   Shawna, I'm not sure why you wanted to read this again, but here it is, 
hon. Glad I could help.

For the rest of you, know you're in my prayers every day. I've been taking
a blog break, haven't been doing much of late except taking care of myself, 
building my health back up. I'll be updating all my blogs real soon.

Have an awesome day.
Love you much.

Good Morning,

 Some people, though looking forward to the family getting together on Thanksgiving, still find themselves dreading it. Their memories of former Thanksgiving reunions are not very pleasant. "Something always goes wrong." says one." We've never made it through a holiday yet without an argument." says another. " I can relate to what they are saying.  It is disappointing to have worked so hard, wanting everything to be perfect, only to have everything go wrong. The day starts out beautifully, and then, in less than an hour, old unsettled issues are being brought up and people start arguing over religion,
politics, money, choices being made, or how children are being raised. Sometimes the arguments are really stupid, like over the way something was cooked.

I think things would go much better, more smoothly, if we didn't have such unrealistic expectations. To expect everything to go perfectly? That will never happen. Better it is to set some boundaries ahead of time, to let each person coming know what is expected. I'm for sending out a small notice a little ahead of time, just a simple one that says something like: This year I want our family to create some really special memories. Because this is my goal, I'm asking each of you (and include myself here too), to come expecting to have a great time, to come expecting to do nothing except enjoy one another and create some wonderful memories. There is only one rule to be followed, which is NO discussions on politics, religion, money, one's life style, or anything else we know will start an argument.

Boundaries are helpful things, not there to make things hard for somebody, but to make things easier for everybody. For most of my life I had no boundaries, which is why my life was so messed up- why I was so miserable for so many years. I was probably the most fearful, insecure, person on the planet at one time. My insecurities and fears- my low self-esteem caused me to people please for most of my life. I'd do anything, no matter how hard it was, or how miserable it made me, just to avoid an argument or displeasing somebody. It wasn't until I learned to say No once in awhile, and to stand  up for myself that my life changed. People aren't mind readers, which is a good reason for boundaries; they let people know exactly where you stand on things. I can't think of a time when this would be as helpful as during holiday time, when  our expectations are to high- to unrealistic.

Holidays, or I should say (just before the holidays) is a good time to send out a note like this to people who will be sharing the holidays with you. If I had sent this notice out many years ago, some of our holidays would have turned out differently, would have been much sweeter- the memories more precious.

I'm encouraging each of you to use this Thanksgiving  as a fresh start; to use it to set yourself on the course you know you ought to be on. I'm doing the same, am using Thanksgiving Day to began what I hope is one of the most eye-opening journeys of my life. I've always kept a Gratitude journal, written down the days blessings. But my goal is to write down two thousand blessings. The reason for this? Well, though I've always been thankful for what God has blessed me with, I have come to understand that because I focused only on the day's blessing, I missed some of the larger, more meaningful ones, those that could have helped me grow, could have helped me see the why behind some of my darkest, most painful trials.  When I hit the 2,ooo number I'll start over. By then I hope to have grown, to have reached a deeper, richer, more meaningful relationship with the Lord.

I love each of you so very much, am so grateful our paths crossed, grateful for all the love and support you've given me though the  years.I'm sorry I got so behind on my blogs, have missed keeping them up. It got tough though, losing so many loved ones in such a short period of time.

Be good to others, to yourselves as well. I hope you're all staying warm and toasty, that you're surrounded by people who love and appreciate you. Know that I do. Always.


 

Good Morning

1. 

I don't know what you see in your area, but me? I'm looking at a sunny world, that at the moment, still reveals the  beautiful hot pinks, yellows, brown and reds of autumn. Of course the trees are far to quickly shedding their leaves. The largest one, the most beautiful one, right outside my patio door is 
almost bare.

I felt a bit sad this morning, as I sipped my coffee while gazing out the patio door. The tree, that but a short time ago was so full, so luscious looking, has
but one lone leaf struggling to hold on. It reminded me of how tightly my Johnny clung to life, how hard he struggled to not let go. This lone leaf, for the past few days has  brought tears to my eyes; really pulled me down. 
   
We all get blue sometimes, feel really lost and melancholy. It's not fun, is it? Not a pleasant experience. Because it isn't, I made the choice to from now on,
not think of that one lone leaf, but upon the earlier days of my marriage, back
to the time we lived in Washington. It was autumn then too, just before the chill of winter arrived. Johnny and I were raking leaves, joking with each other as we so often did. I turned my back to grab hold of the leaf bag. Before I had a chance to turn around, Johnny picked me up; a second later we were both on the ground, rolling  over and over in the huge pile of leaves we'd been raking, Johnny, laughing hard at my reaction.


I am so grateful that God gave us the minds we have. Memories are such beautiful things, able to keep us strong, able to help us get back on track
when we've lost our way. Think about it. Why on earth would anybody choose to focus on what makes them sad when they have the option of smiling again, of being hopeful again? True, we have no guarantee that focusing on only the good in life, the SHINY moments will change things. Sometimes it doesn't. But one thing it does do is keep us from feeling sorry for ourselves. As well it keeps us from living in the past. Doing that causes us to miss the best of today.


** Change of subject :)
Words that I never forgot.

"DARE GREATLY- It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points
out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done
better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face 
is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms; the great
devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the 
end the triumph of high achievement; and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly; so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."
                                                                                                     -Theodore Roosevelt

I hope all is going well in your corner of the world, well, as good as can be expected, considering all that is going on in the world these days. Life can feel
heavy, intimidating, and scary at times. We're, most of us, used to being in control. But sometimes we simply can't be. Accepting that ...believing it can really make life easier.
  
As holidays arrive people began to look forward to seeing loved ones they
have not seen in a long time. We say "This year will be different. Everybody is going to get along." Perhaps they will. But if not, it doesn't mean we have to toss in the towel, become discouraged and give up on each other. We just have to keep an open mind| and an open heart.
 Situations change when people change.
If something needs changing, Lord, let that change began with me.


I'm not feeling my best yet, but getting better. Thank you for the 

loving emails, notes, cards, phone calls...and the love.


love you much,


BARB

Good Morning,

Well I finally managed to get back on track. Actually, that's not quite correct. I still have a couple of blogs not updated. But what matters is that I am trying. This is the third one I updated this morning, which says quite a lot, considering how rough this past year and a half has been for me. My blog
Just For Today has been neglected for quite some time. I felt rather bad about it since this blog enabled me to navigate my way through some pretty rough waters.

Holidays have arrived? Already? :) They will be difficult without my sweet Johnny, but I will do okay. Life is good; to good to waste my time feeling sorry for myself, or worse, choosing to become a spectator in life rather than a participator.
Thanksgiving will be at my place with my son, his wife and their two

precious little girls.  We'll spend Christmas together too, which makes things a little easier.


I love the holidays, always have. Love the magic that seems to happen once they arrive. People's hearts turn home. Everybody's thoughts drift back to the good old days. People are more kind, more patient, more willing to help somebody else.

 You don't have to look at your calendar either, to notice a holiday has arrived. You're reminded when you go shopping. All the stores shelves are overstuffed with new gadgets, perfumes, toys, decorations (the type depending upon what holiday it is). Excitement is in the air- is everywhere. Just wish this magic would last longer- like forever.I hope today finds each of you doing well, surrounded by people who love you, who truly care about you and what makes you happy. I hope you have not forgotten how special and unique you are.  I'm hoping too, that if you're living where it is very cold -you stay warm and toasty, enjoy some hot chocolate with whipped cream or perhaps miniature marshmellows.

We're just entering our cold weather. Our beautiful trees, that were only a couple of weeks ago wearing dresses of hot pinks, yellows, gold and brown are  now almost completely bare.


I've had the wonderful privilege of seeing many deer outside my patio door

of late. They are so beautiful, so gentle, and seemingly not intimidated at all by my presence. They hear the sliding glass door open, raise their heads from feeding, look right at me for a long moment, then go back to eating. As long as I remain quiet they'll usually feed in the area for a half hour or more.


I miss Johnny so much during these times. While trucking, and knowing my love for the deer, he stopped at a deer farm once. It was an unexpected surprise, one greatly appreciated because giving me that surprise meant he had to drive farther that day.

Well, dear hearts, as you know my hands bother me quite a bit so must cut this short. Remember life is SHORT...so create a beautiful memory today. I have updated my Just For Today blog....finally. Please stop by if you have time and let you friends know about this blog. I had a great following once but you know how it goes, you make plans and LIFE HAPPENS. Here's the link:

http://barb-justfortoday.blogspot.com/




Thanks for the love,
Barb



 

 



 

Finally! I was beginning to think I'd never be able to post again; so glad
that I can. I'm hoping that today finds every one of you doing well, happy, surrounded by laughter, love, and peace (which we know is sometimes quite
elusive). This fact is perhaps the reason I decided to share a poem I wrote many years ago. I wrote it on a day when I was struggling with depression,
on a day when I was trying to come to terms with what life really is.
I'd come to recognize that we can't control everything, can't always change 
the direction our life is flowing. I discovered, after many years, that we have
to trust ourselves a bit more, to hold more tightly to our dreams, and to not forget that though we can't see Him, God is still in control.                                                           

                                               

Sometimes life is such a hurting thing; it

erases all traces of the lovely things, the gentle

things that tickle our hearts and lift our eyes
heavenward- from which they came.

Sometimes, life is so delightful that all the 

frightful things disappear into the shadows

of the night, and we stand in awe beneath

 a diamond dusted sky, and
with grateful hearts we whisper:
Thank you, God.


Sometimes, when we see our loved ones fall,

and our saddened because we cannot help

them all, 

Perhaps we can begin by helping just one.

If we're unable to swallow the sorrows of 

the heart,

perhaps we could deal with them better

by wiping the tears of another hurting person.

When  we've done something wrong,

and are consumed with guilt, perhaps

it would help to humbly accept God's gift of

forgiveness.
And if we find ourselves doubting our choices,

our wisdom, and the sort of person we've become,

it might help to remember that

we are but men.

This picture above is a good example of what this poem was trying to say.
Not all our days are good; life does sometimes hide it's rainbows, does block

out the sun for a time, does confront us with things that hurt, discourage, 

sadden, and cause fear to settle upon us, does remind us that there are some

things we have no control over.  But..midst all of the negativeness

in the world, we're surrounded with millions of little things, simple things 

that can lift our hearts, put a smile on our face, strengthen us, and make us

believe there is nothing we can't handle.
  
Seeing a little boy or girl play with his/her pet never fails to make me smile. I'm sure seeing it touches your heart in the same way. We may not see a child with a pet every day, but I know there is usually something beautiful we've missed because of our worry, fear or fretting. Sometimes that special something is tucked within a moment; that moment when our child tugs on our shirt or dress, needing our attention. Sometimes it's that moment when our spouse is trying to pencil in some together time, but can't get us to stop what we're doing long enough to hear what he/she, has to say. Sometimes it's the peace we might have experienced had we taken time to simply sit and relax for awhile.
  
The more difficult- the more painful life becomes, the more frustrated, worried, and fearful we become. Every one of us longs to be able to do something, to come up with a way to make things better, and not just within

the world, but within our family- our homes, our community.
We become discouraged when it appears as if what we've tried made no difference. We forget that every good thing makes a difference, 

no matter how small that good thing was.

All the beautiful things in our world began with an idea. Then somebody took that first step. That's all we need to do. We need to think of somebody who needs some help- then help them in any way we can. It is more fun, I think, to not let them know who did the helping.

I'm, at this moment, pondering some ideas on this, looking forward to knowing I can make a difference in somebody's life; that if I think on it long enough, I'll come up with an idea that can bless others in the same way many have blessed me.

Life can be a challenge, has been for me since Johnny's death. But I have discovered that even a huge loss, one this painful, cannot hold me down unless I make that loss my sole point of focus. I choose not too. Life, though painful and challenging, is still delightful; is still full of new opportunities for growth and blessings, still contains many SHINY moments for me, the SHINY moments being the many blessings the Lord places within my hands each day.

 **
Sorry this post isn't lined up right.
I'm having some problems with computer.


Have an awesome day.
Love you much.

Barb