How wonderful it is to open my eyes and know I have been given another day of life. As I always do first thing in the morning upon awakening, I walked to the patio door and opened the drapes. I was so surprised when they were opened.The fog was so thick I couldn't see farther than my patio. I hated to shut the drapes again, hate the closed in feeling I get. I prefer sunlight streaming through my windows, and want my doors open for as long as they can be left open. Of course now that the weather is getting so cold I'll not be able to leave them open, or my windows either, doggone it.
I hope today is going well for all of you. I hope that as tempting at it may be, you're not, like this cute little guy on the left, hiding out somewhere feeling discouraged and about ready to throw in the towel. It does get tempting doesn't it? To toss in the towel I mean, especially when we are doing the very best we can? We all get tempted sometimes to just quit. But quitting is such a waste. Sometimes, realistically, we have to give up on something that is truly beyond our reach. But most of the time I think people fail because they give up too easily and too soon.That used to be me. I am so grateful that it isn't me any more.
HOLIDAYS- They arrived pretty quickly didn't they? I wish they weren't so close to each other. Still, I do love how the holidays bring people closer; how it seems to make people more open to sharing with others, which is a wonderful thing.|
MY son Christopher, like his dad, loves to cook, and now that his dad is no longer with us he has been doing most of the holiday cooking. I miss being able to do all of it like I once did, but am grateful for what little I can still do. What I miss the very most is being able to bake six to eight loaves of Cranberry Bread. I always set one aside for my oldest son to take to his barber shop. He used to say if he didn't have one to take there he never got any. That's how it is on holidays. Right? Everybody has their favorites.
I started this post out early this morning, while enjoying my morning coffee. But every time I'd start typing again the phone rang or the doorbell. I finally gave up, decided to watch a little television, and do a crossword puzzle before trying again.
A few hours have passed since I worked the puzzle, and i stil have a ringing doorbell, and..the phone is starting up again. DRAT!!!
Telephones. Can you imagine a world without them? Or a world without all the electronics we have become so used too? A few days ago I was thinking about how many things I grew up without. There were no microwaves, smart phones, computers, jets, freezers, calculators, or televisions; no typewriters, electric toothbrushes or hair dryers, or air-conditioners. Boy, if we all woke up tomorrow without even half of these things we'd get pretty frustrated. How would you like to wake up in the morning with no telephone or Facebook? I can do without Facebook but I would miss having a phone, even though its constant ringing can be annoying. I'd really miss having one..
Tomorrow I'll be going through recipes, looking for something new to make for the holidays. I love trying new things, though now it takes me a long time to do anything. Still, when it comes to cooking I'll keep trying.
Before closing I thought I'd share a recipe my Johnny really loved. Once he tasted it he wanted me to make it as often as he could talk me into it. I made it a lot, because as you can see, it's not a complicated recipe; is easy, and doesn't require much time.
Frozen Cherry Salad
1 jar-18 oz., dark, sweet cherries
1 can 11 oz. manderin oranges
1 can- 8 3/4 oz. pineapple chunks
1 pkg - 8 oz. Philadelphia Cream Cheese
1 cup Sour Cream
1/4 cup sugar
2 cups miniature marshmellows
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
Drain all fruit; reserve some cherries and orange slices to use for garnish. Set fruit aside.
In medium size bowl, beat cream cheese till fluffy. Blend in the sour cream, sugar and salt.
Next, fold in fruit, marshmellows and nuts.
Spoon into an 8 1/2 by 4 /12 inch loaf pan, then place in freezer for six hours.
Unmold and garnish with reserved cherries and orange slices.
Well, it has been a very long day. I am going to fix myself some tea or hot chocolate and relax for the rest of the evening. Good night. May your dreams be sweet.
Love you much.
I remember the first time I saw the above graphic. It stopped me in my tracks. Why? Because I was, at this particular time, going through some pretty horrible stuff. I'd raised my children, messed up quite a bit while doing it, but did my best. I'd started on so many things once they were grown, yet very seldom finished any of them. Not good!
When I read the above words, so many years ago, I stared at them for a long time, thought about the many dreams I once had: dreams of becoming a singer, an author, of traveling through the United States, of earning a lot of money and being able to give most of it away to those who could use it. I wanted to open a book store, wanted to join the Navy at age 17, to name just a few.
Like most people I did try a little in some of these areas. But.. like too many people, I let opportunities slip right through my fingers because of distortions of logic; those things we tell ourselves that aren't really true, things like: "This is silly to want this. I'm not smart enough." This is not true! What we don't know we can learn.
Then there are these: "I'm to old." I don't have the money." "This is too hard to do, is beyond my capabilities." One is never too old to try something new, never to old to step out in faith and at least try something. As for not having money goes, talk to some of the rich people. Not all of them were born with a silver spoon in their mouths. A lot of them had nothing ..but held tight to their dreams...just never gave up believing in themselves. Believing that we CAN is powerful stuff. Truly!
Too hard? How do we know something is too hard if we haven't attempted to do it? Oh, it may be hard at first- new things always are, aren't they. While learning something new we feel awkward and insecure, sometimes stupid or foolish. But if we don't give up we wind up discovering things about ourselves we never knew.
Having come across this graphic again, after so many years, reminded me of the dreams I once had, brought to mind the many new ones that took the old ones place. Some are beyond my reach, now that I am no longer young. BUT...there are some that I can do if I really want too. And wanting too is why I decided to share this graphic. I wanted to remind you of YOUR dreams, to encourage you to dream BIG..and BELIEVE in yourself. We may not be able to have all of our dreams come true, but can experience the JOY of having some of them come true. Don't give up on your dreams. If there are some you can't do...gaze at the stars and dream about something new you can try...and then give it a shot.
Food For Thought
1- Just because we have an opinion doesn't mean we always have to give it.
2- When talking to your children, pay attention to not just what you're saying, but
the tone used when saying it.
3- Humbleness looks good on everybody, and is a one size fits all.
4- Attitude is everything.
Have an awesome day everybody. Keep watching for those SHINY moments in each day; those wonderful unexpected little blessings God places within your hand.
Love you much,
BARB
It feels so
great to be back here. I've missed sharing my thoughts and parts of my
life, missed hearing about everything that you've been doing, planning,
and dreaming about. I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to post but the
arthritis in my hands pretty much determines when I can post these
days.
My friend Tracie, asked if I'd share some of my
thoughts with you. That made me smile, because as you know, sometimes my
thoughts are all over the place: are on family, my health, the Lord,
yesterday, today, tomorrow, and who knows what else. She asked if I'd
share once again how to quiet the world, to silence the voices in her
head so she can better connect with life and herself.
I think
I'll share that part first. As Tracie explained it she said "I so
desperately miss the way it was when we were kids, Barb. Life is so
hectic and confusing. I'm about to lose it."
What I said in the
post she was talking about, was that though we cannot turn the clock
back and become kids again, we can quiet our life a great deal; can have
inner peace and quietness of mind. We do it by listening. Sounds simplistic, I know, but it works. It is not easy, but hard,
and it requires some work on our part. Just think about it for a
moment. Life is full of noise. The only time we're unaware of how
noisy it is, is when we are sleeping.
When our day begins, if we want to be able to cope with the stress that we'll be confronting, we have to be still, both in mind as well as in heart. Listening
is an art. Truly! It isn't something we're born knowing how to do. It's
something we have to learn, something that takes practice.
All
around us, even midst the loud, annoying sounds are sounds pleasant to
our ears. These are the sounds we usually pay no attention too, yet these sounds are the ones that help us get back on track. I am referring to the sound of silence..the loudness of it. In order to learn how to listen, we start by listening to silence and that is very hard to do.
As soon as we decide to remain quiet and just listen, we want to fill up that empty space with conversation, with noise, something we're familiar with. Being silent, really silent,
for an hour a day gets us in touch with the truth about ourselves,
helps calm us, and enables us to better hear that which God would have
us hear.
Taking that hour a day to listen, to shut our life's
noises and demands, has been one of the things that has helped me the
most, especially when overwhelmed. When I take that hour and focus upon
what the chair I'm sitting on feels like beneath me, listening to the crickets and frogs visiting each other, paying attention to how smooth the spoon that holds my favorite ice cream feels on my tongue - how warm the sun on a cold, winter day, or the song the leaves sing when a breeze passes through, I can feel the stress roll off of me.
We don't notice much of anything when both hands and mind are occupied
and focused on our I pads, Smart phones, computer games, and television.
If we're honest, even when we're visiting with those we love, we
sometimes have a hard time staying focused.
Tracie, I hope I covered what you want to know, explained it in a
helpful way hon. I must add, before I forget, that it pays to delete
certain sentences we constantly say to ourselves like: "I have too." "I must." and "I should."
Discovering how often I used those sentences helped me recognize that
they caused me to have unrealistic expectations. Deleting them empowered
me, enabled me to move through life at a much slower, more comfortable
place; allowed me to continue to aim high, but also to accept my
limitations.
Well, on to a few other subjects now. lol
WEATHER Right now it's quite odd.
Every once in awhile the sun lights up the area, then disappears behind
the clouds that seemingly came out of nowhere. The air is quite
pleasant at the moment. It's a little breezy, but I can handle breezes.
Heavy winds is what I detest.
Holidays
I find it hard
to believe that the holidays are here already; that even though
Halloween is being celebrated, the stores are already filling up with
things for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Wow! We don't have much breathing
room in-between do we? Still, I do love what the seasons accomplish,
which is to bring families and friends closer for awhile. It just
saddens me that it takes a holiday to do that.
Health
Even though I sometimes feel so doggone crappy, I never forget to thank the LORD for what I do
have: many dear friends, family members too, whose health is far worse
than mine, who constantly pray for me. I am so thankful that though I do have health issues, my body still works, gets done what needs to be done. As well, my daily needs are always met, I
have beautiful things to look at when I'm outside, have my music, and a
lot of good books to read.
One of my most treasured things, which
doesn't come often, but does come more frequently now, are those
unexpected moments when both heart and mind are at peace, a rare and
beautiful thing to me.
Children
My children are all
grown now, with children and grandchildren of their own. But I still
find myself remembering them when they were just starting out in life. I
loved the way their minds worked, the way they expressed themselves.
For instance:
My daughter Diana- age 4
My daughter loved
flowers when she was little, especially roses. Any time she'd pass a
rose bush she'd pick a petal off the rose, place it on her finger and
stroke it. One day, I was sitting on the steps watching my kids play. My
Mom came out and we began talking, walking around as we did. Diana
followed us, chatting as we walked. Seeing the rose bushes she stopped,
picked a petal off of one, placed it carefully on her finger, and began
stoking it.
"What are you doing, honey? " my mom asked.
"Just loving it." was her answer."|
Her answer touched something deep in my heart that day. Such simple words, but
they got me to thinking how much brighter a place our world would be if
we could, or would, just love him or her. Whenever I see a rose,
especially red ones I always think of my Johnny, who always gave me red
roses with a card saying "Love you Barb. Always will, " and my
daughter, Diana, whose three small words taught me such a marvelous
thing.
Life
Life is like a roller coaster, the only difference being that we don't need to purchase a ticket in order to take the ride. Nope! Life just takes us for it's ride, never even bothering to ask if we want to go. Sometimes, depending upon how our life is going, we go willingly. Other times, during rough spells, we kick and scream, moan and groan, cry and complain, wanting nothing except to curl up in our comfort zone and be left alone.
Life is also a school. I have come to realize, especially as time passes, how wise our GOD is. He, knowing us so well, having created us, put us in the place we needed to be in order to learn how to get along, to be kind, to understand pain, to discover how exciting and wonderful a place our world is when we, like my daughter with the rose petals learn to (just love him, or her).
Oh, it's not easy. Definitely not easy! But anything really worth having requires hard work.
Imagination
I am often teased, though not in a bad way, about my imagination; been told, "It's so hard to believe you're eighty." When I ask why, people usually say, "Because of the way you think, and the way you talk."
I'm not sure that I quite understand what they mean, though I try too. What I know though, is that I would not wish to be any different than i am. I may be eighty but still look at the world with wonder and amazement, am still curious about things, just like when I was a kid.
The one word that comes up in my mind every day is WHY? In that sense I do think like a child, I guess. My thought process is always " I wonder why a table is called a table, why not a bed, or glass? I wonder how many boxes of butter could be stacked under that bridge, etc. I recall a time when i was quite young, and was going to the store with my dad. I bombarded him with so many questions he finally asked, though not unkindly,'" Honey, don't you ever run out of questions? I don't. lol
Even as I am writing this I am wondering who will read it, what each of you are doing today. I wonder, as I drive somewhere with my son, if the people in the car next to us are as happy as they appear to be, or, if they are, like all the rest of us, struggling with something really hard. I am always wondering things, always eager to learn new things.
However the rest of your day goes, I pray you'll remember how special and unique you are; that you'll take time to smell the roses, and when you do, you will remember what my little girl said and try to "just love him or her" just as they are, no matter how hard it is.
Food for thought:
Don't let people's smiles fool you. Sometimes there is a lot of pain behind a smile. When in doubt- look in the eyes. It helps.
I have got to take a break, take my meds and get some chores down. Have an awesome day.
For the love, friendship and support. You're the best!!
I am hoping today finds every one of you happy, healthy and doing well. I know, as all of you do, that life is full of changes, not all of them pleasant or easy. We are always going through some kind of transition, always waiting for something: a phone call, dinner, company,
a reply from the doctor, to name just a few.
I have many people telling me, more now than before it seems, that every time they turn around there is another change to get used too. I can truly relate. Of all the transitions I have gone through, the most difficult ones have been the deaths of loved ones, being so far from family, and the latest and most difficult (getting used to being 80 years old). Even writing it feels odd, mostly because though my body is constantly reminding me that I am no longer young, I do not feel old. If my health issues and pain were non issues I'd still be trucking, riding horses, going for bike rides, and quite possibly trying something I always planned to do, which is to just once, jump out of an airplane. Oh, trust me, I'd not find it easy to do. I KNOW somebody would have to push me out that door, but I have always wanted to do that.
Why do we sometimes have the desire to do crazy things like this, even if we'd have to be pushed, yet are so fearful and hesitant about life's transitions, which are usually much easier and require far less courage? Makes you wonder, doesn't it?
This morning, I was standing at my patio door while drinking a cup of coffee, admiring the beautiful trees across the fence. I gaze at these trees every morning, remembering how my Johnny and I once did this together. Our love of trees was something we had in common. We looked forward to the pastel colors of spring, and then became eager for the transition of summer to autumn, always anxiously waiting to see those deep, rich, vibrant colors of autumn.
The days are getting colder and the rain is returning. Now, each morning, as I gaze at these trees, I sadly watch some of the leaves holding on tightly, as if to say "NO! I am not ready for this. I do not WANT to let go. I cried a little this morning, as I observed this. Why? Because it reminded me of the struggle Johnny went through while trying to accept that he was not going to be with me for much longer.
As well, i cried because I remembered one of the l conversations I had with my Johnny before he died. We were on the patio, observing these same trees. I said to Johnny." Honey, look at those leaves on the bottom branch. They are fighting as hard as they can to hold on. It is almost as if they are resisting letting go."
This was only about five or six weeks before Johnny died. I remember when i told him that, he put his arm around me, tilted my face up with his fingers and said' Babe, when my time comes I don't want you to be like those little leaves. I want you to promise me you'll let go. Just let go, baby, and trust God to take care of you. You always tell me that you got where you are because He honors your faith. So when I'm gone, let go and trust Him to take care of you like he always has."
I promised my husband I would let go. And so when he died, I did, but not right away. As many of you know (for you've lost the love of your life too), letting go is not easy. It is still very hard for me. I miss Johnny so much. Every day! And when I find myself struggling, I remind myself of my promise and sit down, ask the Lord to comfort and strengthen me, and He always does.
Life these days isn't easy for anybody. But it truly helps to remind ourselves that transitions are part of life, and they don't have to be bad experiences. Most of our stress is not from the trial itself but from our reaction to it. What helps? Well, speaking from personal experience, I have learned the wisdom of "letting go" and trusting God to do what He promises us He will do. I remind myself every day that security is not found in people,
places or things, but in our relationship with the Lord.
I am doing well, though like I said, it hasn't been easy adjusting to all the changes of being 80. I can truly relate to people who get discouraged and troubled, who say "Every time I turn around it's something new." It is! I am finding out so many things I cannot do any more, so many things I have to do much slower, so many things I need to learn, and even things I need to forget about.
I hope this post doesn't give the impression that I'm depressed or unhappy. I'm not. I just felt the need to share about letting go because "letting go" seems to be one of the things most of us have the hardest time doing. And we can't really enjoy life if, like those leaves on the tree, we're holding tight to things that aren't good for us or things or people that make us unhappy.
Letting go doesn't mean we've given up, though many seem to see it that way. Letting go is a HUGE victory. It's an indication that we've grown in understanding, have learned, or are learning to be honest with ourselves, and that we realize the wisdom in not holding so tightly to anything.
Thanks for being there for me, for taking time to read what I write, and for all the prayers and good wishes. Love you very much.
Hello everybody,
I can't say good morning, because somehow I let the day get a head start on me. Before I knew it, it was already past noon.I'm hoping that wherever you are there is music, either coming from your radio or a record player, or maybe like me, you're a whistler and a hummer.
My Johnny always threatened to change my name to humming bird, because I hum as I
do things. Always have, ever since I was a kid. I whistle too, though not as well as when I was a little girl, but doing it still makes me happy, still has the ability to lift my spirits.
I was thinking, earlier today, how sometimes we don't realize just how rich we really are. Money can't touch a heart like being loved can. And a fancy car can't hold a candle to knowing somebody passed up something important so they could be with you. Things like that stand out, don't you think?
I find that the older I get, the more I notice things that I overlooked when younger. When we're growing up, almost all of our thoughts are on ourselves. We're kids. We eat, sleep, play, cry when hurt, get hugged when we fall (hopefully). We want things: toys, CD's the latest, most expensive shoes, cars, clothes, money and anything else that suits our fancy.We're busy finding our own way, discovering things about ourselves, dreaming about our future, and wondering about adult things. We ran non-stop through life; never running out of energy. And most of us back then, got tired of being told what to do. We said "It's my life, my body, my future.
Time passed, and hopefully we're wiser now; have learned things that not only help us live better, but help us to be more patient, more kind, slower to anger and quicker to forgive. I have learned so much by listening and reading; by taking long walks alone; by star gazing on a really clear night, and by truly taking time to smell the roses.
Our world has become such a hectic, chaotic, fearful place. It's hard, sometimes to find that quiet place we need. But it pays to search until we find it, because it's in
the quietness of life; in listening to the birds sing, and the grass grow, that we find the peace we believed to be elusive.
I am doing reasonably well. Like all of you I have things I struggle with. But so far, by God's grace, I'm managing. I think about each of you every day, remember you in my daily prayers; always asking the Lord to bless you for your kindness to me; for the awesome love and support you've given me throughout the years.
My gosh...when I say years, I realize we've really been blogging that long, haven't we? Some of you, stay on top of it far better than I do now. I miss being able to blog as often as I once did, but have to be realistic about my health and limitations. Don't always like it. But it is what it is.
Mostly, I am extremely happy. Truly! I have a GOD who loves me, and who never breaks a promise. If I have him I am truly blessed. He wipes my tears, gives me strength, guides my words and actions, and somehow, enables me to not only keep my sense of humor, but to view the world as a small child would. I think being able to do that, is what enables me to be content.
Thank you, dear ones, for always being in my corner, for your good wishes, emails, support on my blogs, and especially for your prayers.
I wish you strength, good health, love, laughter and peace.
Love you much.
Good Morning,
My goodness. It has been so long since I have posted anything that I'm wondering if my mind will cooperate with me. Well, won't know unless I give it a try so here we go...:)
What have I been up too? It depends upon how you look at it, I guess. Some people, observing my life, might think I have accomplished little since they last interacted with me. But on the other hand, there are people who have known me for many years, and seeing me so idle most of the time, don't mistake that for laziness. They have come to understand me, to know that every once in awhile, usually when too much is upon my plate, I take time for solitude and silence. It is in those two things that I am able to regain clarity of vision, a better understanding of why my life is such a mess, and most of all, am better able to hear more clearly the things the Lord would have me hear.
One of my friends, awhile back, got her feelings hurt when she asked my opinion about one of her relationships, why I thought it was going so bad- was so painful. My answer was not to hurt her, but had been given based upon my own life experience. What I said was "Honey, your problem may be simply that you are not a good listener. She was, as I was years earlier, when recognizing this about myself, defensive. "I am SO a good listener she said. And so
I tried to explain it better, and thankfully was able too.
I told her I'd always believed myself to be a good listener too, but one day, while having a disagreement with one of my teenagers, he said" Well, Mom, you never listen. Never!"
At that time, we were in the middle of a heated argument so I really WASN"T listening, but was mostly wanting him to be quiet so he could hear what I WANTED TO SAY."
Silent listening, I discovered, means exactly what it says, which is "Be quiet while somebody else is talking. And be quiet not only, but focus on what is being said." It is only when we are silent, and really focusing on what is being said, that understanding is born. And with better understanding the quality of our relationships improve.
This is one reason I love going for walks alone. We hear so much more, and notice so much more, when we are by ourselves, when we are not being pulled in five or more different directions at once- when we are multi-tasking, which in my opinion, keeps us from being able to embrace the really wonderful SHINY moments that are so often right in front of us.
I have been diagnosed with stage 3 Chronic Kidney Disease. It is not pleasant, tore a rather big hole into my comfort zone, which for awhile, caused me to feel uncertain and unsure of myself. I found myself falling back into the old way of coping, which was telling myself "I can do this. I will be okay." That didn't work years ago, and won't work today. What worked the best for me was remembering how willing the Lord is to carry my burdens, to help me with any problem (BIG OR SMALL), how quick he always was, and still is, to enable me to make it through each moment of the day. Remembering this, and leaning on Him, keeps me strong, content, and actually joyful. It is hard not to be joyful when i am so blessed:
My family has always been there for me, and every one of you dear readers. You have all
loved and supported me, always reminded me that I am not alone, that you are in my corner, just as I have always been, and will always be...in yours.
Life is good!!! Very good!!! It is full of opportunities to do better- be better. It is full of SHINY moments that make us smile, laugh, whistle, embrace, promise, and laugh again. Life is full of KODAK moments. Let's not miss any of them.
I am going to be a great grandmother again before long. If my last count is correct there are four little ones entering the world before very long. All of them are out of state little ones so will have to rely on photos for a bit, but that is okay. Photos are wonderful things.
Weather:
We are out of the cold mostly. Our winter wasn't particularly hard. We had little rain but at least got some, which is more than some people got. Still, wonderful as this season can be I am looking forward to the colors, fragrances, and newness of spring, which isn't that far off. I do miss having a garden, miss planting flowers as my Johnny and I always did. But there are
beautiful indoor plants and that is what I will start with this year. Indoor plants and some beautiful flowers for the patio.
Though I live in an apt. now, instead of a house, I am amazed at how much cleaning lies ahead for me, how much junk I need to dispose of. My goal is to scale down to only those things I actually use. I worked on this a bit awhile back, but had to quit...the pain was too much and the fatigue. Thankfully, my son does for me what I am unable to manage.
Writing:
Many of you have asked when, if ever, I will post another story, have asked if I would consider re-posting "We Get What We Give," and "After The Rain." I greatly miss writing,
and have, several times, tried to get started on this. But between the fatigue and pain I was unable too. BUT... I have determined to do this, not just for those who have requested it, but
for myself as well. Having something to focus on besides how crappy I feel would be a good thing. And we sometimes need to demand more of ourselves. So I won't promise to get it done as quickly as I normally would, but will get it done. You will just have to be patient with how slow the posts get posted.
Have to stop here. Need to rest a bit and fix an early lunch, I had a very early breakfast and my stomach is complaining about it.
Do have an awesome day. Create some beautiful memories and get that camera out so you don't miss those KODAK moments.
Be good to others--and as gentle with yourselves.
BUY A JAR OF BUBBLES AND USE THEM. BUY SEVERAL EXTRA SO YOU CAN
PASS OUT A FEW. IT COSTS LITTLE AND ALWAYS MAKES PEOPLE SMILE.
Love you much,
BARB
